Three Tips to Work-Life Balance

in Family, Work & Career

Family life is precious, the tight knit family lifestyle with shared meals around the dining table are rare, and television, phones, and computers can detract from times when we could be sitting down together as a family to chat about our day. It is often said communication is key within relationships, yet in a day and age where communication is so easy with these devices, many of us don’t communicate well with those we love.

In particular, when you run your own business or have a stressful job, it can be difficult to switch off worries or concerns, and relax at home knowing there is a large workload the following day to tackle. There are some things which can be done to enable the social and business sides of life don’t become blurred. Below are three tried and true work-life balance tips for small business entrepreneurs.

Unwind during the commute home…

The commute home is the perfect time to get into a relaxed frame of mind. Your own time is time for you to refresh your mind, and spend it with family life. There is nothing worse than sitting with someone trying to have a conversation, when their mind is clearly on other matters. If this is you most evenings, then you can jeopardise your family life. Leave your business worries outside the family home, or talk about them to your family rather than sitting there with your mind elsewhere.

Smart Phones…

Smart phones have been a great benefit to us over the past few years. They allow us to return emails instantly, check for business updates, we can use apps, get in touch with business contacts through calls, texts, or social media, and they are generally mini computers which we carry by our side all day, every day.

Smart phones are a constant reminder of those emails that await us, and many of us often deal with business requests on days off or during evenings to keep on top of the workload. However your family life is precious time spent together, and constant peeks at smart phones to check progress indicates you are still in work mode, and your full attention is not on your home life.

If possible have a work phone and a phone for social occasions, this way you can switch your business phone on or off when needed. It means weekends can remain clear without having seen that email which you can’t get out of your mind. It takes you back to actual work hours. It can be difficult to do if people have been used to your instant replies, however you are entitled to time off, and people do understand in time and get used to your new approach. Not only that, people should not assume you are on duty when at home.

Close the home office door…

If you work from home, your office is readily available for you to step into at any point. This can be problematic, and you can find yourself at your desk replying to a quick email, only to find you have been sucked into work mode, and spent a couple of hours working. If you plan your schedule properly, you should get all the work you need to do during the week done, and anything else can wait for the following week. Of course there is always work to be done, but family life is just as important, and while you don’t want to fail in your business career, and you want success, family and marriages take just the same amount of effort. So sneaky emails, and telephone calls can build up and steal this precious time away, which can’t be gotten back.

Life is about those small moments of togetherness, sharing joke, or look shared between each other, or seeing smiles on your children’s faces, and with your head buried in your smart phone, or your mind elsewhere these moments are lost.

There is time for family life, and time for business life, and they should remain separate. You spend most of your day at work, and have precious hours in the evening with your loved ones, so make sure that time isn’t eaten up by your professional side to life.

About the Author:

Kirsten works for WhoIsHostingThis, a website hosting review company, which helps many businesses find good reliable hosting. Kirsten deals with many enquiries from online businesses, and speaks to them about setting up their website. To find out more visit us.

Photo credit: Kalexanderson via photopin cc

Do You Eat Dinner Together?

in Family

Studies have shown that children who routinely spend dinner time together with their families perform better in school and have fewer social problems. It makes sense that a child who can take the time to relax and chat with his parents and siblings about his successes as well as his problems will have more successes and fewer problems.

But how to achieve this worthy goal? We all know the time pressures families are under today. Usually, mom and dad are both working, and often get home too late to enjoy the luxury of a relaxed dinner together. It takes a bit of planning and a lot of desire, but family meals and the value that comes of them can once again be part of your family’s life. Here are a few ideas to make that happen.

It doesn’t have to be EVERY day

If your schedule means stopping at the soccer field on the way home from work to watch the end of the game and pick the kids up, you may not be able to have the traditional sit down dinner on those nights. Don’t make yourself a slave to the tradition, just make it a goal to have dinner on those nights when you are not running around with school or sports related activities. One or two nights a week are enough to make sure your children sit down and enjoy a relaxed meal with you and appreciate each other’s company. Sure, you may have to review and entire week of successes and problems, but as long as you children have a moment to share conversation and enjoy your company, you have achieved your goal.

It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal

If you are not having a sit down dinner each evening because you don’t have the time to make big meals with all the trimmings, lower your standards. There are plenty of healthy, easy to prepare meals that you and your family love, or you can cook big on the weekend and have great well planned leftovers during the week. Even good takeout food qualifies, if you make it healthy and filling.

It doesn’t have to be dinner time

Here is a novel twist: do you necessarily have to sit down over a meal at dinner time? If your kids are grabbing a snack when they get home from school and then running out to activities, why not make the snacks more healthy and substantial and just hold off dinner until later? The idea is to have some quality time when you can all relax and enjoy your experiences. How about a bowl of soup or a platter of cheese and crackers and fruit later in the evening, when everyone is back home and settled in?

When you have a goal, it often takes imagination and flexibility to achieve it, but if everyone is working towards the same goal, it is easy. (Well, almost.)

If you don’t have the time to cook a meal for your family, it doesn’t hurt to occasionally hire someone to do it for you. Unfortunately even a cook could have ulterior motives; if you want to know how to keep your family safe from people you hire, this website can help.

Cover image by jacqueline-w via Flickr.

Budget Travel for the Single Parent

in Family, Guest Posts, Life, Single Parent, Travel

It’s no secret that being a single mom is hard work – basically a full-time job in addition to my job as a nutritionist and personal trainer. That’s why it’s important for me to set aside time for relaxation so that I can avoid getting caught up in the grind of life.

I try to take a few trips a year and one of my favorites is when I head to the Midwest to take in some Chicago attractions. My 3-year-old son Reid enjoys visiting Millennium Park or going to Wrigley Field for a Cubs game. Reid usually accompanies me to Chicago, although I may squeeze one trip in without him (he enjoys staying with cousins or his grandma for a few days anyway).

Here are some travel tips for other single parents that will help you get the most out of family vacations, as well as some ways to enjoy time out on your own.

Family vacation

When we hear the words “family vacation” most people just think about the family going away together. But how about really making it a family vacation? Get your kids involved with the planning process. You can make a family night out of it. Maybe order some pizza and surf the web or travel books for activities to do and see wherever you plan to go. Younger kids will usually be happy with inexpensive things like going to arcades, zoos or even playing out in a nice park.

All-inclusive

If you are a single parent with teenagers one of the best trips you can take is to an all-inclusive resort or a cruise. Teenagers like to do their own thing a lot of times and that’s okay. All-inclusive means there are plenty of options available without having to travel so you can rest up and enjoy yourself and let them do things on their own. You can meet up with them for meals or do some activities together but everyone can have their own space and do what they want without needing a ride or money to cover it. You can find deals that include food, drinks, rooms and even flights.

Save a little

Depending on the age of your children you can usually save a nice chunk of money at different restaurants and certain travel options. I have gone to a number of restaurants that served Reid a nice meal free of charge. Since he’s only 3, he doesn’t really know much about it or ask for much outside of chicken nuggets and French fries but I have gone days on vacations without having to purchase a meal for him.

Me time

One thing about being a single parent is it’s all on you (unless you have some family around to help out). Truth be told it can be tiring and we all need time to recharge. Leaving your child with close friends or family for a couple of days can feel like a fun getaway for them and you can use that time to relax at home or get away.

But whether you travel alone or with your kids it’s important to see some new things and be in a new environment. If you have any single parent trip tips to add please share them with us!

What About Your Parents?

in Family, Guest Posts

Between raising kids on your own, working, managing a home and maybe squeezing in an ounce of time for yourself here and there, spending time with parents or grandparents can be hard to do.

Depending on your age, your parents might a certain level of care — care you might not have time to provide. Whether you’re serving as a primary caretaker for an elderly parent or even if you’re just a single parent who wants to spend more time with your own parents, taking the time to respect your elders and carving out moments to spend together is incredibly rewarding.

If you aren’t quite sure where to begin, check out these few tips for finding a balance between caring for your parents and caring for your kids.

Safety: One of the most important aspects of caring for elderly parents is making sure they are safe and sound within their own home. An elderly alert system is a great idea, especially for parents who live alone, have special medical needs or a history of falls. Taking the time to invest in a life alert system for your aging parent will keep them safe and give you the peace of mind in knowing they can get help immediately in the event of an emergency.

Family Outings: One of the best ways to spend time with your parents and kids simultaneously is to schedule a family outing. Your destination obviously depends on the health and mobility of your parent and should be taken into consideration when choosing a location. If your parents are able, a quick weekend getaway would be a nice change of pace for everyone. If you don’t have the time or money to get away for a weekend, an afternoon together at their favorite eatery or bakery is fun for the whole family.

Craft Time: Having the kids create a special craft for Grandma or Grandpa and then delivering it gives you the opportunity to spend time with both parties. Work with your kids to help them compile a photo album, photo spread, picture frame or other keepsake and then go over and deliver it together. Grandparents love memories and crafts, so combining the best of both worlds should be an obvious choice!

Spending A Night In: For parents with limited mobility or special health needs, spending a night at home with family is always a welcome luxury. Bring the kids over to their place for a while, bring dinner or cook when you get there and spend an hour or two enjoying an old movie, playing a game or looking through photographs. It’s a great way to de-stress after a busy day or week and leaves everyone feeling upbeat!

By learning to combine spending time with your parents and spending time with kids and giving your parents the tools they need to be safe, you can show your family the respect they deserve. Taking time out here and there to spend time with parents and kids is one of the greatest things you’ll ever do!

Cover image by Tobyotter via Flickr

Winterize Your Home – Single Parent Style

in Family, Guest Posts, Home Improvement, Parenting, Single Parent

The holiday season is upon us and while that brings families together for good food and holiday parties, it also means that winter is coming and cold weather too. There are measures you should take to protect your home during the holidays and winter season, like adding an ADT home security system and winterizing your home to protect yourself and family from getting sick.

Check For Drafts

Cold air can get into the house through windows, doors and pipes that are connected to the outside. That air can cause your furnace to burn more to keep the house warm. You can easily end up spending more money and putting your family at risk of getting sick. Take a trip around the house and inspect the windows and doors to see if you need to draft-proof certain spots. You can apply weather stripping around the windows to keep the cold air out. The screens used to let in a breeze over the summer should be removed.

Check the Furnace

A lot of people don’t pay much attention to their furnace and just allow it to run with no maintenance done to it, and then when something goes wrong it becomes a major problem. I remember from experience having to wear big winter coats around the house because our furnace broke and we had to wait for a repairman to come in and fix it. Needless to say those aren’t among my favorite memories. Be sure to buy furnace filters and change them every month. It would be a good idea to bring in a professional to inspect the furnace–even if it is running well at the moment—to be sure that there are no problems. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Heat Rises

If you have an attic, don’t forget to check up there—even if you only use it for storage. Heat rises and if there are cracks and crevices for the warm air to escape through, it will. And any cracks that let warm air out can let melted snow in. Water coming in can definitely cause damage to your roof.

In Case of Emergency

Severe storms have been known to knock out electricity from time to time so it’s always a good idea to have an emergency kit available. Be sure to show your kids where it is and explain how to use the flashlight—as well as how to carefully light candles. Be sure to have bottled water and food in the house in case you get snowed in for a few days or stores are unable to open because of the weather.

Game Time

Being snowed in is not all bad—especially if the power stays on. It gives the family an opportunity to spend time together. It’s always good to have some board games available or spend time playing video games everybody can get into. The Nintendo Wii has a great selection of simple and fun games that you don’t need any experience to understand. If you take the steps to winterize your home when the storms do hit, you can relax comfortably and enjoy the warmth of your home with your family.

Memoirs Book Review – The Real Family Halloween Book

in Family, Holidays & Special Occasions

Author and mom Maggie da Silva is at it once again with another timely ebook available just in time for Halloween. The Real Family Halloween is “The Family Guidebook” for all things Halloween. This highly-readable and well-researched e-book provides families with a broad range of ideas and practical ways to supercharge their Halloween fun. Old and new customs are brought together with the Maggie’s personal collection of quirky and fun Halloween crafts, food, party games, music and easy-to-make costumes.

Whether you want to make traditional Irish Halloween “Barnbrack”, or you need a dozen ideas for costumes you can make from things around the house, Real Family Halloween Fun lets you quick-search the Table of Contents or just browse the myriad ideas, stories and practical tools brought to life with great photos and the author’s genuine affection for the wonderful mess of family life.

Everything is delivered with the unique and often irreverent humor that focuses on what kids love… and what really works for parents. The result is a spirited and entertaining, go-to manual for Halloween fun.

Blended Family Thoughts on The Real Family Halloween

Maggie’s first book we reviewed was The Real Family Camping Cookbook. Personally, I’m not much of a cookbook ‘reader’ but right away Maggie’s book struck a chord with me. The same can be said for her most recent work, The Real Family Halloween. In order for a book about Halloween and holiday crafts and festivities to be engaging and meaningful from a family perspective, it has to be unique. Maggie hits the nail on the head with crafts and activities that are fun for the entire family. The fun factor of the crafts, activities games and costume ideas far outweighs the complexity. Her words will inspire you to pick up some new (and easy to do) Halloween traditions that will make the holiday even more memorable for years to come!

To purchase your copy of the ebook, The Real Family Halloween visit Maggie (and family) at http://www.realfamilytime.com/ and be sure to check out their camping cookbook too!

Single Parent Saving: Tips That Go Beyond Dollars and Cents

in Family, Guest Posts, Parenting, Single Parent

Being a single parent is a far cry from being single. Where you would have once had the luxury of sleeping in on a lazy Sunday morning, you now have a little body jumping into bed with you before the sun is up, begging for food, cartoons and help going to the potty (not necessarily in that order). Where you once shopped for fun and had money to spare, you now devise new and creative ways to make your money stretch just a little bit more, in order to pay for judo classes that were promised a year ago.
Now, this isn’t to say that these changes are unwanted or unwelcome. On the contrary, it’s difficult to remember what life was like before my son came along. I am convinced that it must have been boring and meaningless at best, and a downright waste of time for the most part. However, now that I am a single parent, I have learned the importance of true savings.

Save Memories

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you’re a single parent. Perhaps the best cure for this is to look at photos and watch videos of your child, in order to maintain balance and optimism (it’s impossible for me to be stressed when I look at pictures of Reid grinning). I make it a priority to take pictures as often as I can, in order to preserve precious memories, and share them with my ex. I recently had a minor panic attack when my computer crashed, as I feared I would lose all of those memories. They were able to be salvaged, but the lesson I learned was to back all of these memories up. I opted to go with online file storage, which has given me immense peace of mind.

Save Time

When I first became a single parent, I would frequently go on four hours or less of sleep, in order to accomplish everything that had once been done by two people. I have since learned, however, that it’s okay to cut a few corners when you’re going it alone. If you develop a daily routine, you are better able to streamline your day. Not only does your child know what to expect (and is therefore less likely to balk or dawdle), but you become aware of ways to improve your time management skills. It’s also important to know what needs to be done now and what can wait for another day. You will likely find that there are many things that you do that can be rearranged in some way to give you more time to relax and enjoy time with your child.

Save Your Sanity

The important thing to remember when you’re a single parent is that you have to take care of yourself in order to be the best parent that you can be. It’s not selfish to insist on downtime, and feelings of guilt should be abolished at once. Whether you’re putting off doing the dishes in order to take your child to the park, or indulging in a bubble bath while reading a smutty novel, the key is to maintain a healthy balance in your life. Additionally, be sure to develop a strong support network. This will enable you to call on help if needed, and will help avoid that horrible drowning feeling you get when you’re overloaded.

When my divorce became final, a friend (who was also parenting solo) encouraged me by saying, “Being a single parent is exhausting but also gives you a sense of freedom and release unlike anything else.” I think this pretty much sums it all up. Yes, this is likely not what you expected when you decided to become a parent. Yes, it’s stressful and harrying at times. But it will all be worth it when you watch your child grow and blossom, and you know that you are the reason that they succeed in life.

Twenty One Years Ago Today – A Son’s Story of Breast Cancer Survival

in Activism, Family, Life

The last photo of my mother - at her wedding, July, 1990

Wow, where to start with this one? Perhaps from the beginning of the end.

I remember being around my oldest son’s age lying in bed at night after dinner thinking about how perfect my family was. My parents adored me, my younger sister was (marginally) tolerable, I had all the toys a boy could ever want (is that possible?) – life at 123 Sunny Circle was good.

Yes, that was really our address.

Then one fateful day, somewhere around 1985 or 1986 I remember having “The Talk” with my parents. My sister was only 5 years old at the time, so she wasn’t included. I was a big boy at 10 years old, though, and they had something very important to share with me.

My mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Don’t worry, they think they caught it early. She’s going to have surgery to remove her breast followed by chemotherapy radiation to kill the left-over cells and she’d be ok. My mom was still very young at that time – only 34 years old when she was first diagnosed. When you’re only 10, your parents are invincible, so I reacted to the news of her cancer diagnosis much like I would have had I been told she had a cold.

My mom fought that round of cancer and was diagnosed as being in remission after a few months. We were back on track once again; back to our Sunny Circle life.

Except the cancer came back – this time to the opposite breast. Again, they performed surgery to remove it and gave her a heavy-duty dose of chemo (for what seemed like an eternity) in the weeks after the surgery.

I remember my mom going through the chemo sessions. She was always very weak and quite pale, although, she was very light complected to begin with. She lost all of her thick, auburn colored hair both times she went through the chemo but it always came back seemingly thicker than it was before.

Round two went to my mom after she received her second diagnosis of remission.

That’s the problem with cancer, though – it doesn’t give up easily. The final blow came after a 3rd diagnosis. “How can she have breast cancer again?” I asked. “She doesn’t even have any boobs left!” My honest, upfront question gave my mother a chuckle, but she knew what her long-term prognosis was after a 3rd diagnosis. The cancer had spread to her blood stream; there was no telling how far it had gotten.

She didn’t give up – how could she, afterall? She had two children to think about. She enrolled in a then-experimental treatment at the University of Iowa Hospitals, which was a good 4 hour one-way trip away. My grandparents drove her there and back each time, again, for what seemed like an eternity. I remember my mom describing what the treatment was like. I was only 14 years old by then, but I knew enough about cancer that I had picked up over the years to follow along pretty well. She said the treatments were like having a red colored drain cleaner injected into her arm. “It burns all the way up the arm.” she said. I wish I could have been there for her during those treatments but I’ll always be grateful to my grandparents for supporting her.

My mom passed away 7 days before her 39th birthday, one chilly Iowa October morning. She lost that round, and ultimately her battle with cancer, but she didn’t give up without a fight. We watched her battle her disease for years; she did it for us. I knew that then, even as a young boy and I carry it forward with me to this day. She passed away but I survived – despite a few scars.

I can’t believe it’s been 21 years since my sister and I lost our mother to breast cancer. We miss you, mom.

Support Breast Cancer Awareness – Visit Susan G. Komen for a Cure and help support the cause.

Single Parent Vacations: Fatiguing and Fulfilling

in Family, Guest Posts, Parenting, Single Parent, Travel

Editor’s Note: Hey all – I’d like to introduce Nan Gibbons. She’s going to be contributing around here every once in a while as a guest author to bring a little more of a woman’s point of view to the site. More about Nan can be found in her bio at the end of the post. I hope you enjoy her pieces and perspectives and be sure to leave your comments in the section below!

As a busy single mom, I know it can be difficult to find the time and money to travel.

Handling a little one alone is hard enough, even without the introduction of new places, people and distractions. It seems easy to always say, “We’ll go somewhere next summer,” but taking the time to plan out and embark on a trip with your kids is a priceless experience.

My 3-year-old son, Reid, and I went to Chicago recently. It was my first major trip with him and I was nervous about how he would handle flying, being in a different place and even not sleeping in his own bed.

But, I decided to go for it. I found out what to do in Chicago that would be great for both of us, booked a ticket, did some planning and set off.

Tips for Traveling with a Toddler

Whether you’re hopping a plane or road tripping to your destination, kids tend to get a bit antsy when they have to sit in one place for more than about 8 minutes. Before Reid and I flew to Chicago, I had nightmares of him being the out-of-control toddler running laps around the cabin and making other passengers clench their jaws at me.

Our flight wasn’t too long, but I realized that kids can handle a flight of any length if they’re prepared for it. Reid and I arrived at the airport nice and early. I booked an afternoon flight so he’d have time to walk around, see what people were doing and get used to the atmosphere. Once you get through check-ins and security checks, your child will probably be ready to sit down. Bring along quiet games and healthy snacks to keep them occupied. Have special time checkpoints (a quarter or halfway) and reward them for good behavior.

Many of the same tips work for road trips, with the added convenience of being able to pull over if the kids get a little too crazy.

Kid-Friendly Chicago Attractions

Photo by Gravitywave via Flickr

Younger kids are much easier to please on vacation than teenagers, so take advantage of their level of simple fascination while you can!

My son loved the Navy Pier, even though I hardly spent any money on the attractions. He was content to look around and point at the seagulls and ships. I did shell out money for the Ferris Wheel, because he’d never been on one and he went wild over all the ‘tall buildings’ and ‘yellow cars’. He also loved Cloud Gate (more widely known as The Bean).

Reid loves the outdoors, so I took him to the conservatory one afternoon when they were hosting free kids activities. I also took him to The Museum of Science and Industry to see the storm and space suit exhibits. He was fully entertained for almost half a day, which for my little guy is quite the feat.

Chicago also has great parks, outdoor spaces and zoos to fill relaxing, slow-paced afternoons.

Try not to make the days too full, especially if you have younger kids. Reid tends to have meltdowns when he gets cranky from missing his nap or having a late lunch. Try to stick to your normal eating and sleeping schedule and make sure to ask your kids for their input. They’ll tell if you they’re tired and want to sit down for a while, so you can get them back to the hotel before they flip out in the museum.

The Importance of Alone Time

Even if you spend a lot of one-on-one time with your kids, it’s great to be with them in a different place, experience new things and make memories together. And, though my son is only 3, he told me how much fun he had while we were flying home. Worthwhile? I’d say so.

Being a Single Parent Isn’t ALL Bad

in Family, Parenting, Single Parent

Below is a guest post from freelance writer Mona Andrei about the up-sides to being a single parent. I always like to see the silver lining in things when possible as well. What other upsides to being a single parent do you have? We’d love to hear your thoughts!

There’s something about the label – “single parent” – that exudes hardship. And although many of us uni-parental home managers didn’t actually apply for this position, I personally couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

While true that I wish I had someone to help me clean out the garage, and I do wonder why I’m the only self-starter here who “gets it” when it’s time to change the toilet paper roll – I’ve come to a point where the positives of being a single mom outweigh the negatives.

1x1.trans single parent parenting family Being a Single Parent Isn’t ALL Bad

Photo: by Erik Anestad via Flickr

For one thing, I get time off. REAL time off that sometimes lasts for days. Two-parent families consider themselves lucky if they get an hour to themselves – and I feel their pain. Truly. But on the days when my kids are with Exy-Poo, I make sure to take full advantage. In other words I don’t cook, which is preceded by I don’t have to shop, and ends with I don’t have to clean up. It’s like a mini vacation in my own home. Sweet Club Med. (Minus the beads. And the skanky bikini.)

Another benefit to being a single parent is that I get to actually spend time with people that I’m not related to. Like friends. I haven’t been able to find anything as therapeutic as a quiet dinner with a girlfriend.

Still not convinced?

How about empowerment?

As a single parent, I’ve met challenges head-on over the years that have proven to me that I can achieve anything – when I put my mind to it. And although there are many strong couples out there, there’s just something about doing it on your own that gives you a sense of confidence and even works on your self-esteem!

To back this point up I have to mention my house. Operative words? MY HOUSE. Yes, I have a mortgage but there’s only one name on the deed and it’s mine. I love the fact that I was able to fulfill my dream of providing my kids with a home we can be proud of. And as we all know, providing for our kids is what makes us feel like we’re doing something right in the world.

And here’s my personal favourite reason why I love being a single parent. When the kids finally come home from their father’s I’m relaxed and feel like a whole person, which I believe makes me a better parent.

Conclusion: As single parents, we get to share our awesomeness with the people who matter the most. Our kids.

About the Author:

Mona Andrei

Mona Andrei is a seasoned writer with a background in marketing. She has extensive experience in writing business/individual profile articles, SEO optimized web content and marketing collateral across a wide range of industries. Based in Montreal, she has been serving editors and business owners since 1992.

With a hamster that never stops and an incessant passion for the written word, when she’s not working on client projects she can be found with pen and paper at one of her fave writing spots (anywhere that serves a good cup of coffee or nice Shiraz), working on one of her many personal writing projects, including her blogs moxie-dude.com and the-secret-blog-of-a-teenage-vampire.com

You can reach Mona by email at monaandrei@videotron.com

Single Mom Guest Post: Just Keep Swimming

in Divorce, Family, Guest Posts, Parenting

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…

I am a full-time working, single mother of 2 young daughters who owns and maintains my own home, writes in my spare time and is in training for a triathlon.

To many in my life, the above statement invokes words like “amazing” and “inspiring”.

Me? I’m just doing what I do. I mean, who else is going to do it, right? More often than not, I struggle. Sometimes I feel like I’m running in place. Occasionally, I feel like my head is above water and I can breathe… if only momentarily. I do my best to stay in the present to push through. No one ever said single parenting is easy. The same can be said for triathlons.

Last week I met with a new swim coach. I’ve been trying to find more balance when I compete. I’ve done a few triathlons before but have noticed that I panic in the swim portion, which tends to slow down my finish time. Never one to allow fear to keep me from accomplishing my goal, I’ve decided that this triathlon season, I’m going to push myself to find peace in the pool. Some Zen in my free-style, if you will.

I was nervous about working with this particular coach. She spends 14 hours a day in the pool. She’s practically a mermaid. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she could breathe underwater and had fins for feet. I’ve only been swimming a short time after a 2 year hiatus from triathlon. Even before that, I was never an expert swimmer. I felt like I flailed around like I was drowning instead of looking calm and serene in the lap lane.

After watching her glide wavelessly through the water, she asked me to swim a few laps while she observed. I sputtered and flapped 50 meters all the while hoping she could see what needed correcting. “I want my swimming to look like hers,” was the lone thought in my mind.

“Wow! Look at you!” she assured me, “You’re practically there. I can’t see much to fix. You look so peaceful and beautiful in the water.”

I was stunned. How could I look peaceful when it seemed like a struggle to me?

An hour later, in the locker room, I ran into an old neighbor from my married days. She has stayed in contact through Facebook for years.

After catching up on how our kids have grown, she jokingly referred to me as “Miss Inspirational”. I gave her a puzzled look. She responded, “Seriously, you are so inspiring to me. I remember how difficult your divorce was. But I see you so emotionally strong, so together, your girls are happy and you take such good care of yourself. You look so peaceful.”

I was stunned. How could I look peaceful when it seemed like a struggle to me?

That’s when it occurred to me that the only way I can actually feel peaceful in the water is to keep doing it. The more I keep swimming, the more I’ll feel that I can trust the water. And the more I keep “swimming” as a single parent, the more I’ll learn to trust where I am at any given moment.

After all, from what everyone sees on the outside, I’m apparently doing something right.

T Delano & Kids

After blogging anonymously for 4 years, T Delano has decided to out herself on her new blog, Chronicles, Inspirations and Musings (http://www.tdelano.me/). A single mother of 2, she initially began blogging as a way to journal through her divorce and first post-divorce relationship. The bloggy single parent support system and friends she has made through blogging have inspired her even though many of her real life non-blogger friends don’t understand. A talker by nature and living a life that always has something going on, storytelling through blogging is one of her favorite pastimes. Follow her on twitter: @tdelano