Woo hoo, I have another awesome ‘Crazy Dating Story’ for you by way of Talk Nerdy to Me Lover (super kick-ass site you should check out). This story, unfortunately, sounds all too familiar. I’m very proud to say that I was never “that guy” – you know, the clueless one like you’ll read about in the story, but I was on some clueless dates myself as well. So what are you waiting for? Get to readin’ and to votin’.

My very first date being back “in the field” is probably the worst date Iʼve ever had. Hands down. My profile had not been up for 5 minutes before he started instant messaging me. I couldnʼt help but be intrigued — I was 25, he was 31 — “an older guy! He must be mature.” Little did I know, this was not even close to true. Aaliyah said it best, “age ainʼt nothinʼ but a number.”

The Date Setup

We started chatting and he saw that I had listed Dave Matthews Band as a favorite (I used to be a huge fan) – he started telling me about how many DMB shows heʼd been to, the special VIP passes he had at all the shows, how he had a bunch of signed memorabilia at his apartment, yadda yadda yadda. He was telling me how pretty he thought I looked, how he liked my photos, and was just generally enthusiastic about meeting. I was impressed, thought he looked sort of cute from his photos, and we seemed to have a lot in common; what could go wrong? I agreed to meet.

The Date Plan

I wasnʼt working Fridays at that time so we decided to meet for lunch (side note: his occupation? Professional Online Poker Player. Yup). We met at a popular Jewish-style deli that wasnʼt far from his apartment. This is a place that always has a line out the door and the tables are close to each other. My first red flag about this dude was that when he walked in, he looked about 10 years older than his photos. Not cool. Thatʼs a first rule about online dating, in my book: you NEED to have current photos. Not 10 years old. You gain weight, you just looked older. Both of which he did. Second red flag: he acted as if he had never eaten a meal in a restaurant before. Really. We ordered sandwiches and when our plates came, he started raving in a loud voice about how good it was, how it was “the best sandwich heʼd ever had”. Remember how I said the tables are close to each other? Yeah. People started looking at us.

When the waitress came by to see how we were doing, he continued to gush about how in love with the food he was. I was thinking to myself at that point that I needed an out, a way to end the date right when we were done eating. We finished lunch, and it was a hot August day, and I knew he wanted to keep hanging out. “Wanna come back to my place and check out all my Dave Matthews Band stuff? I think youʼll love it.” I knew there was no way I was going back to his apartment, or probably even seeing him again in general. “Let me check my phone, I think I heard a beep… OHHHH shucks! They need me back at work. Very important report that needs to be finished by 4, Iʼm the only one who can finish it. Oh man. So sorry.” I couldnʼt believe that I was faking a work emergency. The best part was that he believed me.

The Date Aftermath

We walked towards the parking lot behind the restaurant and he walked me to my car. The typical “I had a nice time, it was good to meet you” conversation ensued, and then I wasnʼt sure if I should hug him goodbye, or if a handshake was okay, or if I had to do anything… and while I was thinking about that, he leaned in to kiss me – or so I thought. This dude kissed as if he had never kissed anyone in his lifetime, EVER. He essentially licked my face off. I refer to him as “The Face Licker” for this reason. I smiled and said goodbye, got into my car, and proceeded to WIPE MY FACE OFF. That was the third and final red flag of the afternoon. He texted me the following day, wanting to make see me again. I had to put a stop to it, and told him that I enjoyed lunch but didnʼt feel a connection, wished him the best, all that stuff you say to someone when youʼre essentially trying to say, “I donʼt ever want to see you again, ever.” He didnʼt take that well, however. He emailed me: “What did I do wrong? What happened? Why donʼt you want to go out again? I really like you! What did I do?”

That makes another dating rule, in my book: If someone tells you that they didnʼt feel a connection with you/wish you good luck in your dating career, that means that itʼs over. Like, for real. You shouldnʼt start whining and asking a thousand questions. Just be done.

Cover image by JesseMenn via Flickr.

Good evening, readers. The story below is from another very accomplished dating & relationship blogger, Melissa of Single Gal in the City. The story below originally appeared in Glamour – yeah, this girl’s for real. Melissa has a very clever promotion where she’s letting her readers pick her dates. Yes, she’s clearly a brave woman and you have to appreciate her trust! Check out the introduction to her promotion on YouTube she’s calling ‘Nominate a Date’. Here, check out the video:

The best date I ever had was my first date with Los Angeles native Mark. Hours after a chance meeting in the middle of a TV-show shoot in New York City’s East Village, we reunited for dinner at a cozy Italian restaurant, where we quickly fell into effortless conversation. From there, we strolled over to Central Park for a moonlit carriage ride—the backdrop for our first kiss. The chemistry and conversation continued by Pulitzer Fountain in front of the legendary Plaza Hotel. We talked for hours, until Mark walked me home. It was a magical night—one that ended up sparking a lengthy long-distance love affair. I still smile every time I walk by the Plaza.

Cover photo by michaeltk via Flickr.

Hey All – we’re heading into our ‘Memoirs Dating Game’ contest full speed ahead. Below is another guest post story submission from a female blogger. It’s a pretty quick read and, I’ll be honest – it left me wanting more! I have a feeling you’ll feel the same way. Don’t forget to vote using the buttons above the post or leave a comment (or two or ten).

The Date Setup

Mark was handsome with an athletic build.  He lived in the ritzy part of town and he was interested in meeting me, a chubby girl with acne with very little extra spending money.  We met through an online dating sight and when he asked to meet, I quickly agreed.

“There’s a coffee shop a block away from my apartment, why don’t you just meet me at my place and we’ll walk down together.  You won’t find parking anywhere else.”  He tells me over the phone.  I jot down his address, print of the directions from mapquest and head over to his place.

Mapquest directed me thirty minutes out of the way and when I called Mark to let him know that I got lost and I was running late, he told me not to worry.

Once I found his place, I was in awe.  It was a high rise building with views of the ocean.  The valet outside of his apartment building took my keys and moved my car before I got my eyes off of the building.  I walked through the glass doors and headed to the 9^th floor to pick Mark up for our date.

The Date Plan

I’m not used to picking men up for dates so the feelings of doubt rose in my chest with each step I took towards his door.  I knocked, pushed my hair off of my neck and anticipated our first to first meet.  He opened the door, gave me a smile, leaned in and kissed me.

“Uh, hi.”  I said after his lips met mine.

“Hello.”  His lips fell on mine again and he pulled me into his apartment, slamming the door behind us.  My lips were in panic mode since I wasn’t really sure what was happening.  I didn’t remember agreeing to a make out session in his apartment or even a booty call but clearly, Mark didn’t get the memo.

I confess, while he was kissing me, I took the time to look around his apartment and just as I expected from the exterior of the building, the interior was amazing.  His place was fabulous and clean.  And honestly, I didn’t mind him kissing me even though we’d only said hello to each other.

After a few minutes, he stopped kissing me.  I awkwardly asked if he was ready to head to the coffee shop and he gave me a nod.  Then, his cell phone rang.  “I gotta take this.  Why don’t you head down stairs and I’ll meet you in a few.  We can take your car.”  Mark says as he shoves me out the door.

The Date Aftermath

I walk down the hallway to the elevator feeling like I was taking the walk of shame.  I questioned whether the previous five minutes had happened or if my wild imagination had run away with me again.  I got to the lobby and handed the valet my ticket.  He returned with my car and told me it was $15.

I laughed.  “What!  No, I was just gone for 5 minutes.  I was just picking someone up.”

He hands me my keys and tells me that I can wait for the person I was picking up for a minute but I still had to pay.

I only had $10 cash on me.  I tried to explain this to the valet and after several minutes of attempting to work things out, he took the last bit of cash that I had on me.

Twenty minutes later, Mark still hadn’t appeared in the lobby and the valet was knocking on my window.  “You can’t sit here.”

“I’m just waiting for someone.  He was on the phone when I left, he should be here any minute.” I explained to the valet again.  “Let me just call him and see how long he’ll be, ok?”  With the valet watching, I dialed Mark’s number and listened to it ring, and ring, and ring.

No answer.  I dialed again and it went straight to voicemail.

It was at that moment and the evil glare given to me by the valet that I realized that Mark had stood me up for our date while I was waiting for him in his parking lot.  Plus, our 5 minute meet had cost me the only cash I had on me and that was only because the valet took my deal of getting $10 verse the $15 that I owed him.

So, I left the fancy apartment, I left the good looking guy that lied to me and I left the cruel valet and headed home, only to get lost again.

Cover image by Tadson via Flickr.

This dating story submission comes from one of my very good friends. I’ve been there to hear many of her dating stories – this is one of her best. And by ‘best’, I mean CRAZIEST. I’m sure some of you can relate. Be sure to vote by leaving a comment and by sharing using the buttons above!

My dating woes, I’m sure, are like everyone else’s…it’s just who has the best story.  I, like everyone, want to find my soul mate or at least a facsimile of one…

The Date Setup

I started talking to Larry (geez, I can’t even remember is name now) and things seemed to go well and we decided to progress to the phone.  This should have been my first clue.  He has a major southern drawl.  Not that I have anything against a good drawl, but he did slur a bit.  I thought it was the phone connection (wishful thinking on my part).  He was funny and sounded thoughtful and of course he thought I was the BOMB.  Next step, let’s meet.

The Date Plan

So we scheduled a date, time and place to meet for a bite.  He works out of his home, so he was going to come to me (very gracious on his part and major brownie points).  The day came and I was very nervous and trying to figure out a way to not do this.  Long story short, this was only my second date, since my divorce.

So I leave work, freaking out and get to the restaurant (a national chain, well known at a major mall).  So, I’m waiting…waiting…finally, I decide to give him a call.  Goes to VM, great!  So, now I am pissed and start to head towards home.  As, I’m driving home, he calls.  Get this, he went to the wrong mall and wrong restaurant that’s around 20 minutes from me and wants me to still come meet him.  At this point, I am beyond angry and told him not to bother calling me.  I was beyond belief that he couldn’t even remember where to go!!!  Well, he begged me to give him a second chance and try again on Saturday (another mistake, should have gone with my gut).

Well, Saturday came and he was pretty much on time and looked great in person.  I thought maybe I was wrong in my assumptions.  We go inside, he goes to the men’s room, I get shot of tequila to calm my nerves.  He comes back and we both seemed pleased with each other.

As the date progresses, he mentions he needs to take his meds.  Of course, being the nosey person that I am, and genuinely concerned, I asked what he was taking and why.  He said he had a bad back and taking pain meds (heavy duty) and Xanax.  Not one Xanax, mind you, but a couple and we were drinking as well.

The Date Aftermath

Needless to say, he started slurring his speech and talking very loud and becoming entirely too animated.  I was still rather excited about him and asked if he wanted come with me and my girlfriend to a movie later, which of course, he said yes.

As the date continued, things just went from bad to worse and now I was stuck with this guy for a movie.  The cute southern drawl was no longer cute and I couldn’t wait to get away from him.  We went to the movie, where he started off kind of loud laughing through parts and then fell asleep.  Once the movie was over I was supposed to go with my friend to dinner, but needed to drop off the druggy at his car.

Got to the car and it was the kiss part…YUCK!!!  I gave him my cheek and said I would chat with him later.  Called and told him the medication was a little much for me and his demeanor had totally changed from the time I met him to later in the day.

Moral of this story…go with your gut!

Hey there, everyone. Do I have a doozie for you in this story. I always marvel at other people’s outlandish dating experiences. Sure, I had some dates that were pretty far out there, but as I hear more and more experiences from women I come to appreciate the sanity that I experienced in comparison to some womens’ experiences. I’d sit down while you read this one, but I have a sneaky suspicion the heroin in our story below isn’t the only one that’s had a ‘date’ like this. Don’t forget to vote by leaving a comment and by sharing using the buttons above!

Miami is full of crazy people and desperate people.

I was feeling a little desperate as I searched for an apartment or roommate. I had a week before I would be getting kicked out of my current residence because the family I was renting a room from just decided they wanted me out. My finances weren’t the greatest which limited the luxurious beach side apartment buildings and living alone. Searching online, I found someone willing to rent out a bedroom. I inquired and learned that it was a single man looking for a roommate. Like I said, I was desperate and agreed to meet with him.

The “Date” Setup

I met Joel after work one evening. I should have known better, going to his apartment after 10:00pm, but I was in a crunch. Joel opened the door to his apartment. He looked like he might be going to the gym later. His shorts and t-shirt are about two sizes too big. Yeah, he thought he was cool. Most men don’t realize that they don’t have to be dirty but Joel hadn’t learned this yet. I wanted to bleach his apartment and sweep the floors. I had only seen the kitchen and was ready to explore the rest of the place.

We part from the kitchen to a 6′ x 8′ room. This was what he was offering to me for a room. I grinned, realizing that I wouldn’t have a door and that this room was just outside of his bedroom. The bathroom, that we would share, was through his bedroom. I told Joel that the room is much smaller than I was hoping and wondered where I would store my furniture…and clothes. He suggested that we share a closet that was already filled with his crap. “I don’t know, I mean, I’m in a crunch but I don’t know if this is going to work out.” I told him. “You don’t need to make a decision right this second. Why don’t you hang around for a little bit and we’ll get to know each other and see if we’d get along?” Joel suggested. Out of desperation, I agreed. He seemed like he was nice and that we would be able to get along but it is never fun living with strangers.

The “Date” Plan

We sat down in his bedroom because it was the only place to sit down. I sat in the chair in the corner as he lounged on his bed. We make small talk. “Why are you so uncomfortable?” He asked after a few minutes. “Do I look uncomfortable?” I may have rambled about us being complete strangers and I was in his apartment and it was getting late and I had a 30 minute drive.

He offered me a drink and I declined.

He flipped the television to the news and we started talking about current events. Something interesting came up on the television and because I sat in the chair in the corner, I couldn’t see the t.v. I moved over and sat on the edge of the bed.

I made a huge mistake. It is in this moment that Joel boldly kisses me.

I didn’t see it coming and let out an awkward giggle. “You are really beautiful. I could never live with you and not be with you.” He kisses me again and I am a bubble of awkwardness. My mind is racing, what should I do? Should I just kiss him but won’t that lead him on and I don’t even know what just happened but it is kinda nice….I pulled myself away and told Joel that I better be on my way and that I’ll let him know about the room. I already knew the answer was HELL NO, I can’t live with a guy that wants me. I wouldn’t be able to sleep. What if he jumps me in the middle of the night while I’m dreaming about something pleasant?

“Don’t go. I was just really getting to know you.” Joel says. He kisses me again and there is a lot of commotion going on. I try to peek and see what he is doing, but he positions my face and keeps kissing me. Finally, our kiss has ended and Joel is on his bed and no longer wearing his shorts.

He’s also…very…happy.

I stood up and he took off his shirt. Completely nude with a boner laying on his bed. “I want you.” He touched himself unapproachably in my company as he taunted me with dirty promises. I’m sure my face had the combined look of shock and disgust. Seriously, I just met him and he thinks I’m gonna jump into his bed because I’m at his apartment late at night? The taste in my mouth has gone bad and all I can think about is going to the gas station and buying some tic-tacs. “I’m not gonna rent the room and I should get going.” I told him and found my way to the door.

The “Date” Aftermath

I got to my car and wonder what the h-e-l-l just happened. Joel called me on my drive home and apologized. He told me some line about being so attracted to me that he just got lost in desire. We agreed that living together wouldn’t be a good thing but Joel wanted to see me again. And you know what?

I agreed to go on a date with him.

If Joel laying naked on his bed was our first day, you’d never guess what we did our our second date! Instead of wooing me or taking me out to dinner, Joel took me on a drug deal. Yes, it is true. He had me hide his money in my shorts just in case something went wrong and more money was demanded. And I was supposed to act like I had no money at all. I’m the world’s worst liar… and then after the exchange of drugs happened, Joel asked me if I would put the electricity in my name because he was broke and needed someone to pay the bills. After all of this, I told him goodbye and to never speak to me again. He called me an hour later when he asked if he left his cigarettes in my car. I looked and told him that I had them. He demanded that I get them back to him. I looked in the cigarette case to discover that the cigarettes had been tampered with. So, I did what any responsible adult would do after this sort of date with this sort of guy…I tossed out his “cigarettes” and blocked his number.

The following submission comes from fellow relationship blogger Cindy Lucy. You can check out her blog at plentyofcarp.tumblr.com and she’s on Twitter at @cindylucyscarp. Don’t forget to vote using the buttons above!

I had an online fish on the line for a couple of weeks but the short of it is, is that the fella wrote nice emails, had a nice voice on the telephone but the line broke when he took me to a buffet for our first date.

This is not the best place for steaming a plate full of romantic interest when the ambience is smothered with gravy, grits and a passel of folks who are just concerned about how much they can pack into their gizzards for $9.99. I even broke down and told him I was a senior citizen so that he could get a discount on the tab. Who makes up this stuff?

I just couldn’t warm up to him over my plastic glass of water and trying to figure out what line to get in with regard to the one-hundred and fifty-nine food choices. What kind of a guy takes a gal to the buffet? I don’t even eat at the buffet at Mexico travel destinations.

It’s fine if you are ordering an omelet for breakfast but the rest of the meal choices are just that, choices. There are so many choices and I am a decision maker. So for $7.99 I chose the salad, seafood and seven glasses of water. Small talk after packing in as much as he could had my eyeballs swimming and looking for the nearest toilet. I struggle with going to the bathroom with strange men sitting across the table from me.

I wanted to tell him that the dining choice was a poor choice but letting him break the line from his end was to be my intent. If he can’t figure it out, I am certainly not going to tell him that I did not get dressed up in my Victoria Secret underwear, bra, camisole and red “whore-rendevous” boots to spend an hour at the buffet. I even had to make up a new word to describe my whore outfit to someone who probably appreciates boxer shorts and sweatpants.

Cover image by Jibby7 via Flickr.

The following is a story submitted by one of my good friends and one I think you’ll find both funny and quite “awe”-inspiring. It’s the story of how my friend met his (now) wife. It has all the makings of a major motion picture starring Drew Barrymore if you ask me. I hope you enjoy (and don’t forget to vote by sharing using the buttons above!)

The Date Setup

For me to tell you about my first date with Amanda I have to back up a few weeks prior to our first date. We both were from the same small town in Florida; we both grew up in this city but had never seen each other before. I had never been big on the dating websites and let’s face it online dating wasn’t as accepted in 2006 as it is now. We ended up meeting on MySpace of all places. It was one of these things were she found me through a friend of a friend.

I accepted her friend request and we started to talk over instant messenger. This went back and forth for a few days until I offered my number to her. I didn’t hear back from her for almost two weeks before she called me. When I answered the phone I thought it was a wrong number and we hung up. After about two minutes I realized I had made a huge mistake I remembered who it was and this definitely was not a wrong number. I immediately called her back but got a voice mail. I left a voice mail apologizing and asked her to call me back. I felt so embarrassed. It took her four hours but she called back and we setup a date.

The Date Plan

I had everything planned out for the first date. We were going to go have dinner at Carrabba’s then head out to a movie. Sounds pretty simple and sweet but that was not the case. We made it to Carrabba’s but the restaurant didn’t keep my reservation. We couldn’t wait forty-five minutes to be seated so we left. We ended driving up and down International Speedway in Daytona, Florida for the next fifteen minutes trying to decide on a spot to grab some dinner. Amanda finally said “let’s just go to the food court in the mall”. I know what you’re thinking I was thinking it too – “the food court is not the best choice for a first date.” Well, we did end up eating at the food court and surprisingly it wasn’t too awkward. It wasn’t Carrabba’s, but it wasn’t bad.

We finished with dinner and headed to the theater. The movie was good and we enjoyed it, and yes I did a yawn/stretch and put my arm around her. She didn’t pull away or move my arm so I thought I was in. I thought to myself “alright, this may not have started out quite as I had planned but it may finish on a good note.”

The Date Aftermath & Happy Ending

The movie ended and as I drove her home we made some small talk and I asked her if she would like to go out again sometime and she said Yes! We got back to her Grandmother’s house where she was staying at in the neighboring town; I dropped her off and leaned in for a goodnight kiss. She turned her head and I ended up giving her a side weird side hug, kiss on the side of her head. We said goodnight and I left. During my forty minute drive home I kept thinking and replaying that kiss the whole ride home. How embarrassing how awkward it was thinking to myself why did I do that. I felt so stupid. I had to laugh, when I pictured how weird that must have looked. I called her the next afternoon to see how she was and asked her for a second date. She agreed to go on another date. After all that went wrong or not according to plan on the first date she must have seen past it and saw something in me. To make a long story short, we dated for almost six months and have been married now for five years with two beautiful children.

Looking back now, I would not change anything about our first date.

Cover photo by ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser via Flickr.

The following dating story was submitted by fellow blogger Jamhenry. She’s just getting started, but clearly she’s got a knack for writing. Be sure to vote for her using the buttons above and don’t forget to leave her a comment below!

The “rocky road” to love has more often than not felt like a Himalayan mountain climb for me.  Of course, there has been plenty of “suitors” as my mother’s generation would have called them, some even managing to get through the front door and sit in the good front room, which was only used at Christmas.  “Don’t worry if my dad doesn’t talk to you” I’d say as I walked down the road with my new boyfriend, “he doesn’t talk to any of the lads I bring home!”  What confidence I must have bestowed in my latest fancy – advance warning that my dad would hate his guts and a confession that I was a serial dater!

Some twenty years later and I’m back playing the dating game once more and the rules haven’t changed one bit.  It’s the same old place only it’s called “Mantra” now and somehow, instead of it being full of “auld lads on the pull,” it’s full of lads I used to baby-sit!  Instead of Geldolf asking me to “feed the world,” Lady Ga Ga is asking me to poke her face!  So my friend Lesley decided that this was ridiculous and she signed us up for a night out speed dating in “Howl at the Moon” in Dublin.

When we arrived twenty-five pairs of male eyes ran up and down our bodies, lingering far too long in all the wrong places (the right and only places on a woman as far as they were concerned I suppose) and watched us both as we came down the few steps to the registration desk.  Their eyes were burning holes in the back of my head as we signed the forms.  “I wish someone else would come through those doors” I thought but no, it looked as though we were the last to arrive and so we had to cross the ever-growing dance floor to our seats with twenty-five heads turning simultaneously as we passed.

And so, the speed dating rules were read out, the bell rang, and man number one sat down in front of woman number one and man number twenty-four sat down in front of me, “Julie 24.”  How I wished at that moment that I was twenty-four.  You see, Lesley had booked us into an age group of thirty-five to fifty.  “Tony 24” had been generous to himself when he said he was forty-five.  I had definitely seen younger forty-five year olds in the nursing home!  The conversations all seemed to head in the same direction – your name, your age, where you were from and what you do for a living.  Isn’t it quite amazing how much stock we seem to put in a person’s livelihood?  Does is make any difference if he or she is a doctor, a bank clerk, or a bus driver?  Is this where we place our human worth?  Anyway, the minute I would mention that I was a student the “date” would naturally ask “what do you study?” “Theology” I’d reply. “Oh… do you want to be a nun?” he’d ask. “Yes” I’d say.  “That’s why I’m out speed dating because I want to be a nun!”  As if this hadn’t been bad enough, the other usual question was “have you ever done this before?” Unfortunately for me, when “Dave 19” asked me this question and I replied “no, this is my first time to try it.”  He launched himself from his chair, did some sort of hula dance around the table and announced to the whole room “whey hey hey I’ve got a speed dating virgin!”

It didn’t get any prettier from there on in.  I met “Frank 4” who had “love” and “hate” tattooed on his fingers and just to add to his magnificent artwork he had “all cops are bas###ds” tattooed across the back of his hand.  I’m also sure that “John 15” was a serial killer and, as for the rest of them, well they were only looking for one thing and one thing only.  The only person I had a laugh with that night was “Niall 14.”  The poor guy had signed up to the wrong age group and was only twenty-two.  We chatted freely and we both knew that the situation was rather funny.  Now I have to be honest and say that the most enjoyable part of the evening was the bag of greasy chips on the way home through Inchicore.  Lesley and I could not stop laughing at the situation we had both found ourselves in.

You would have thought that this was the point when we abandoned all hope but no, we’re not that easily put off.  The organisers of the speed dating event had automatically added us to their dating website and within a few days a lot of “winks” and messages were being left on my profile page.  There was Andrew who knew that God was working on his behalf to direct me towards him.  There was Nafay, a twenty-eight year old bisexual Hindu and John who only had room for a woman who had room for him and Jesus in her life! However, there was also Patrick who seemed to have a lot in common with me and actually seemed to be normal enough.  Now Patrick had told me during our online chats that he was thirty-eight, had blue eyes and brown hair, he was self-employed, that he had a degree, loved travelling, books, the theatre, and lots of other things that I also had an interest in.   You can imagine my surprise when this fifty-eight year old was sitting in the coffee shop waiting for me the day we met.  His hair was brown… all four of them that were dragged across the top of his head with a pound of brylcreem and I quickly discovered that everything he had said online was without an ounce of truth.  I think it was Einstein who once said that it is difficult to say what truth is but sometimes it is so easy to recognise falsehood! He didn’t like travelling, books or the theatre and had said it all to make himself sound more interesting.  The most exciting thing this guy had ever done was get up early one morning for the opening of a new Tesco store!

Now, my mother had always told me that if a lad crossed the dance floor and asked me to dance in front of all his friends that the decent thing to do was to dance with him no matter what he looked like or who he was because it takes a lot of guts to ask a girl to dance with the fear of rejection looming so, I sat in the coffee shop with Patrick for almost two hours trying to make conversation with the guy rather than calling him a big liar and chucking the coffee in his face.  I won’t be doing that again!

And so reader it is with a not so heavy heart that I have decided that online dating, speed dating, or any other form of dating that includes a profit-yearning third party is not for me.  When Pope Benedict said that “love, in the true sense, is not always a matter of giving way, being soft, and just acting nice… a sugar-coated Jesus or a God who agrees to everything and is never anything but nice and friendly is no more than a caricature of real love,” he must have known something about speed dating or online dating, where everything is sugar-coated and nice, but none of which is real!

(Quote is from God and the World: Believing and Living in our Time, p. 186.)

Photo by Christopher Barson via Flickr.

Hey everyone! The ‘Memoirs Dating Game’ contest has begun and here’s our first guest post entry from one of my best buds. This is the story of how she met her (now ex) husband. Quite the whirl-wind experience so buckle up! Be sure to vote by using the buttons above OR leave a comment below!

My friend Barbara and I decided to vacation in Greece in 1977. We both worked for Texaco in New York at the time. Barbara worked in the Tax Dept., I the Tanker Chartering Division (chartering oil tankers for Texaco). Both groups had offices in Athens so we thought a vacation to Greece would be a perfect fit – after all most Greeks are either in shipping or Diners, in New York, so the shoe seemed to fit.

My boss had connections to the Onassis organization and, unbeknownst to me, contacted the folks in Greece to tell them we were coming. When she and I arrived at the Athens airport, we were surprised to hear someone calling my name. I’ve always liked to think of myself as a worldly, outgoing individual but who could possibly know me in Greece? It was Ari’s chauffer who unfortunately could not speak a word of English, nor could I speak any Greek. We finally understood that he was there to pick us up, take us to our hotel (which unfortunately was located in the “Red Light” district of Athens, who knew?) and let us know that he was at our disposal 24/7 until we left Greece.

How very accommodating.

He then left, but not before telling us what he had planned for us during our stay. That evening, Barbara and I went to the Hilton (where American tourists go, cowards that we were) for a few drinks. Barbara met a guy named Tassos (we were to find out how common that name was) and again, unknown to me made some plans with him to meet up a few nights later. We really were very good friends and still are but are both very independent women. We began our adventure in Greece but really had no idea where it would end up taking us.

A few days later we were on an outing to a private beach with Onassis’ pilot and other friends of theirs. The chauffer came back to pick us up and take us to a beautiful seaside restaurant for lobster. We were taken to the kitchen and told to pick out any lobster we wanted. The size of one of these lobsters could have fed a family of 10 for 3 weeks! It was soooooo fresh and yummy. Ok, now Barbara says that she has to go call Tassos and see what the plans were for the evening. I said in a very annoyed voice, “Well when he comes to get you I want the chauffer to drop me off at the hotel so I can shower and rest.” I’m not a beach person and I was hot, dirty and had sand in places where you should never have sand. She came back to the table (this was before cell phones if any of you can imagine that) and said he was coming to the restaurant to meet her and bringing a friend! Oh, Lawd……..now I was really angry!!!!!!

I’M NOT MEETING ANYONE IN THIS CONDITION. I WANT TO GO TO THE HOTEL, NOW…………………..

Well, he must have been standing on the corner when she called him because they were there before I could find our chauffer and leave. My back was to them when they arrived and a good thing. I probably would not have been able to utter a word if I had seen what was coming. I saw the Tassos that Barbara had met before and then “my” Tassos stepped into view.

Ahem.

I can still hear the angels singing when I looked up at him and remember thinking; I SURE AM GLAD I STAYED BUT WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY THINK ABOUT ME WITH NO MAKEUP, SWEATY, DIRTY, AND WIGGILING IN MY SEAT FROM SAND IN MY PLACES???????????

“My” Tassos spoke perfect English (because he had been well educated in French schools), was more gorgeous than a Greek God and I couldn’t believe how lucky I had become!!!!!!!! Hmmmmm….. We exchanged some niceties and then, as I began to feel more and more uncomfortable, probably because of the sand, I became a bit confrontational. My only defense was a good offense. I told him I was not staying and they could all go on without me. He said he frankly didn’t care but proceeded to try to talk me into staying. I think I then became something to conquer and he was clearly annoyed that I wasn’t falling into his arms as most touristas might have! I told him I would consider going out later but WAS going back to the hotel to shower and change. If he wanted to come along and wait fine, if not fine. They both elected to come and wait for us.

When we were finally ready to go out we went for dinner and we decided to start over again. During the course of the evening we discovered that we had a lot in common after all! We both liked him! He was also in shipping so we had some common knowledge to share. The rest of our vacation went swimmingly well. I saw Tassos again and again and he always took us to great places where we could break dishes and glasses and drink till 3 a.m.

Long story short, Barbara went home at the end of 2 weeks, I stayed a little longer with “my” Tassos. When I returned to New York he called and wrote every day. After 2 months, he wore me down and I quit my job, left my family and moved to Greece.

After 5 months, I was homesick and wanted to return to New York. He said he would come with me. (What was I thinking?????) He closed his business; we married in Greece before we left, drove to Spain to see some of his relatives and flew to New York to begin our lives as man and chattel (an item of tangible movable or immovable property except real estate and things). He didn’t like the cold so we moved to Florida (where I now reside and am a captive).

In 1979 my son Dennis was born and is now waiting for his own child to be born. Tassos and I were divorced in 1982 and my sister-in-law now calls me the “Crazy Cat Lady” because, thanks to Tassos, I prefer to share my life with cats. I must say, I wouldn’t have changed a thing if I could do it over though. Was the best blind date and vacation I ever had and it definitely beat the hell out of Cancun (the place Barbara wanted to go)!

Cover photo by Ed Yourdon via Flickr.