Strange Online Dating Behaviors & A Little Detective Work

in Online Dating Profiles

This post is actually going to be about two of my favorite topics all rolled up into one – online dating and Google search. This is a tale of how I came to discover online dating plagiarists through a few advanced searching techniques I use on a regular basis. I want your thoughts on this! When you’re done reading, leave me a comment below. But first, the dating story…

Online Dating Profiles – a Form of Free Entertainment

Online dating profiles offer a seemingly endless supply of entertainment for me. I’ve seen some crazy profiles, silly pictures and some of the most deep and meaningful literature the world has seen since Hemingway walked the earth…

Ok, that last part isn’t exactly true and we all know it.

Online dating profiles leave quite a lot to be desired for those of us that are seeking depth out there, but they can be pretty entertaining. A few of the profiles I came across in the past few weeks are special, though. They’re special because they’re a different kind of discovery entirely.

In my daily Internet perusing, I like to try new searching techniques using Google search. You can come up with some pretty cool stuff if you know what to enter into the search box! Well, this time I stumbled across a few profiles that appear to be plagiarists. How do I know, you ask? Well, they plagiarized my online dating profile. Check it out.

Exhibit A – My OkCupid.com Profile

I think my profile is pretty clever, actually. I must have had a good amount of wine when I wrote it, perhaps. I dunno. Of course, I don’t pay too much attention to it any more, certainly not for dating, but it appears some people have found it and have also taken a liking to it. Here’s my profile if you’re curious.

Yes, I still get the occasional email from the profile and I don’t mind replying now and then. But this story focuses on a different kind of attention to my profile. In this case, other online daters decided to copy my profile and make it their own.

Kinda flattering. Sorta creepy too. Here’s how I discovered the online dating profile plagiarists.

Google Search – Two Advanced Techniques

Did you know there’s all kinds of ways you can narrow down your searches on Google? Yeah, I’ll probably have to do a separate article just on this topic, but for now, I’ll show you two of the examples that I used. First, I typed in a portion of my profile text wrapped in double quotes. This tells the search engine to search for the word/phrase exactly as you type it in.

This search provided me with some very interesting results. My screen name on OkCupid.com is ‘Techilicious’. The results just for the phrase I used above included another OkCupid.com profile, though.

Curious, I click on the link to view my admirer and see just what else his profile has to say. He used a little bit of his own words, but for the most part, the profile is copied from mine word for word.

Why Reinvent the Wheel, Right?

Still intrigued, I used another advanced search technique in Google where I sought to remove results from OkCupid.com and see if there were any other offenders on other online dating sites.

Guess what? There were.

To search for results on specific sites, you can specify the site that you want the results to come from. Here’s how you specify a site:

So as of right now I know of two online dating profile plagiarists out there. Hey, I think my profile was pretty clever, too, but shouldn’t I at least get credit for writing their profiles?

What do you think? Would you go out with someone if you found out they didn’t write their own profile? What if they paid a professional writer to craft their dating masterpiece? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Dating After Domestic Violence – One Mom’s Happy Ending

in Online Dating

The chat box appeared on my screen, I knew it was wrong, I was a married woman yet the impulse was too great. I was falling in love with a man I had never met. I had met Matt on a music site online, we got chatting and swapped email addresses, months passed and we talked almost daily he had become my best friend.

I ended my marriage, not because of the new man in my life, he still was just an online friend but he had given me the courage and the support to finally realise I did deserve better. I had been open and honest with Matt about my life, my husband, my career and my 3 children, he was also the only person to know my big dark secret, I was an abused and beaten women.

1x1.trans online dating Dating After Domestic Violence One Moms Happy Ending

Emma – Supermum Blog

For those looking in I had it all, 3 beautiful kids, a large home, flashy car and my own clothing shop, a man who doted on me and then behind closed doors that man would degrade me, insult me, beat me and much more. Matt was the only person I had revealed my secret too. I would later find out it was no secret, friends and family all knew something was not quite right, but never intervened, 11 years I had spent living in fear.

It was 6 months after leaving my abusive husband when Matt and I finally arranged to meet for the first time. We met in a night club, I was 27 years old and clubbing for the first time in my life, I spotted him from across the room and ran to him, I threw my arms around him and sighed, it was as if he had always been in my life, not the online stranger he really was. The night ended and we went our separate ways, we lived two and a half hours away from each other.

Things happened rather fast after that, the following week Matt came to meet my 3 children, the following week he returned and met my family, the following week, he packed his things, handed in his notice at work and moved in with me. Within 6 weeks we were expecting our first baby together.

I would love to say the story has a happy ending and it does to an extent, but and yes there is always a but; I have had to face many difficulties to overcome my past. It took me at least 2 years to finally accept that not all men hit, to learn to trust and not jump when he raised his voice. I was diagnosed with Bipolar, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and both a sleep and eating disorder in 2009, Matt stood by me every step of the way.

He does get angry at me sometimes as he sees how I punish myself for the guilt I still carry inside. Domestic violence and mental illness stole my self-worth, my confidence and almost my mind. I thank Matt for seeing past that lost young women who had so much baggage because he has shown me that I do deserve to be treated with respect and most of all I deserve to be loved.

We have been together for over 5 years now and we have 3 children together, Matt is an amazing daddy and step father to my 3 eldest children, we married last year and I am very grateful to him for making me see for the first time in my life, that I was worth something.

Can online dating work? It did for me.

About the Author:

Emma is the brains and beauty behind The Real Supermum Blog. The Real Supermum is a mom to 6 and runs a support network for moms who have suffered troubled pasts. She also blogs in the hope of ensuring no other woman ever has to feel alone and frightened as she once did. You can read her open and honest blog to find out more.

Online Dating Photos – A ‘What Not To Do’ Pictorial

in Dating, Dating Tips, Online Dating, Online Dating Profiles

You may be very proud of that new tattoo or think you have the prettiest French pedicure, but that’s not a reason to post a picture of them on your dating profile.

I know you’ve heard the saying before, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” I couldn’t agree more, especially when it comes to online dating profiles! What’s the first thing a prospective date sees when viewing your profile? It’s often your photo. You can debate whether online daters are visually biased (I’d say men especially are) and date primarily based on looks, but the fact remains that if you have an unflattering photo gracing your online dating profile you may be shooting yourself in the foot. What types of photos work and which ones don’t? Good question! Read on for more ‘what not to do’ when it comes to online dating profile photos.

What Not To Do – Members of the Opposite Sex in Your Photos

(Double) What Not to Do – Stripper Man Ass

Rule (of thumb) number one – don’t include members of the opposite sex in your online dating profile photos. “But what if it’s a picture of my son/brother/uncle/cousin, etc?” It doesn’t really seem to matter, with a few possible exceptions – babies and parents. If you’re a woman and you see a photo of a dating prospect with a woman in the photo with him, what is your initial reaction? It’s generally not positive first impression. We want to picture ourselves with them, not picture them with a platonic friend, or (gasp!) an ex. Photos with exes – even cropped out (or ESPECIALLY cropped out) are no-no’s. The only exceptions to the opposite sex (or, same-sex that’s your dating field) are babies and parents or grandparents. These fall under the category of ‘awww’, and are usually ok. Just make sure you clearly identify they’re your parent and not your ex sugar momma or sugar daddy.

What Not To Do – Suggestive Poses

1x1.trans online dating profiles online dating dating tips dating Online Dating Photos A What Not To Do Pictorial

What Not to Do – Over-Exposed

Ok, so I guess this ‘what not to do’ should have an asterisk next to it. This one may vary depending on your online dating goals and which sites you’ve joined. If you try to put up too suggestive of a photo on a site like eHarmony you may get your account deleted, however, if you’re posting on a site like AdultFriendFinder.com, I guess that’s likely the norm.

If you’re looking for a COMMITTED relationship, it’s a general rule of thumb to conduct yourself in a way that reflects your wishes. If you want to be respected and valued as a person (as opposed to a sexual object) then your online dating profile photos should reflect those wishes.

What Not To Do – Extreme Close-Up

What Not To Do – She’s Got Legs – and That’s About It

I’m always amazed at how many extreme close-up pictures I’d see on online dating profiles. Everything from photos of a tattoo to pictures of toes – are we really all that interested in seeing these close-up shots before we get to know someone? You may be very proud of that new tattoo or think you have the prettiest French pedicure, but that’s not a reason to post a picture of them on your dating profile. Post photos that represent you as a person, but do so from a bit of a distance.

What Not To Do – Photos of Your ‘Stuff’

What Not To Do – Dating is For the Dogs?

You just landed that new promotion – congrats! How do you reward yourself? With a new car? New motorcycle? New pet? Awesome! Do us a favor and don’t post pictures of them on your dating profile, ok? Again, this ‘rule of thumb’ should have an asterisk, especially if you’re joining a site like SugarDaddy.com or something similar. Photos of your ‘stuff’ usually aren’t well-received on main-stream dating sites. Sure, money (or rather, financial stability) matters to most people. We don’t go seeking out someone that’s in financial troubles. But most are turned off by someone ‘flashing’ their fortunes. If you’ve got lots of cool stuff, that’s great. But let it come out in conversation, not right out of the gate in your online dating profile photos.

What Not To Do – All-Pro Photos

What Not To Do – Model or Online Dater

I admit this one may be confusing at first, but stick with me for just a moment. Professional photos of you on your online dating profile are not discouraged, however, your profile should represent you and unless you’re a model, there’s really no need for ALL of your photos to be professional shots. Daters want to see the REAL you and while professional photo may be more flattering, they’re likely not an accurate representation of all that is you. Make sure you mix up your photo selection and include some candids of yourself. Online dating is self-marketing, make no mistake about it. Just be sure to accurately represent your ‘brand’ in your photos.

What Not To Do – The Bathroom Mirror Self-Shot

What Not To Do – Bathroom Self-Love

Last but not least, the classic, the staple, the Coup de grâce – self-shot in the mirror. Everyone’s doing it, right? You may have the Taj Mahal of bathrooms but that’s still no reason to take your own picture in the mirror in your bathroom. Take photos (or, better yet, have photos TAKEN) of you in your element. I have reason to believe the bathroom is NOT your element.

All online dating profile photos were found on one of my favorite sites – OkCupid.com.

When is It Time to Take Online Dating Offline?

in Dating, Dating Tips, Online Dating

Online dating is a safe, effective and fun way to meet people and start new relationships. Pick the right dating site and you’ll have thousands of potential partners to choose from. While you obviously won’t click with everyone you initiate contact with, or who initiates contact with you, your chances of finding matches with relationship potential are so much greater in the ocean of the online dating environment.

So let’s say you’ve been cruising the online dating highway for a while and you’ve crossed paths with a girl or guy who really takes your fancy. You’ve chatted online and maybe even exchanged some emails, and all the signs are positive. Now comes the time to take the next big step and meet up with your match away from the glow of a computer screen.

Online Dating Tip #1 – Take Your Time

The thought of meeting your match in the flesh for the first time can be a nerve-wracking experience, even when you’ve spent many hours getting to know them online. That’s why it’s a great idea to build things up slowly. Get in touch with them on the phone for a few searching conversations, or dial them up on Skype, which gives the added dimension of video so you can see your match and their reactions and expressions.

These extra stages in the ‘getting to know you’ process can really go a long way to helping cement your feelings for each other, but there is still no substitute for physically meeting a potential partner to tell you if you’re heart is on the right track. So what’s the best way to tackle that first meeting?

Online Dating Tip #2 – Keep It Real

It’s really important to only take that next step when both of you are comfortable to do so. For some people, endless online chats and emails can become tiresome and they see that first face-to-face meeting as the ideal opportunity to work out whether the relationship is worth pursuing. Others are more cautious and prefer the security that online communication brings – they want to be really sure before they put themselves out there for a meeting.

Strange as it may seem, try not to place too much emphasis or expectation on the first meeting. So many things can happen – it may signal the start of a wonderful new relationship, it may mean an instant goodbye or it may even lead to a whole lot of uncertainty. You never can tell what a first date will bring, so it’s best to go along with an open mind and heart and try to avoid placing undue pressure on yourself or your match by overdoing the expectation factor.

Online Dating Tip #3 – Keep It Simple!

The KISS principle – Keep It Simple Stupid – works well in many areas of life, and a first date is no exception. Don’t be tempted to go overboard. An expensive meal, limo pickups, string quartet and all the other trimmings might be just the ticket for an anniversary celebration, but trying the same tactic on a first date could end up in you feeling alone and a whole lot poorer. The more intricate or extravagant the date, the more pressure both of you will be feeling, so take the less is more approach.

Meeting for a coffee at your favorite cafe is pretty hard to beat for a first date. There are few distractions and you can really focus on talking and discovering each other’s personalities. If things don’t go well, you’ve lost nothing more than the cost of a couple of lattes. If the two of you really click, then there’s always the option to stay longer or even extend the date to a meal or a movie.

Whatever happens you’ll be able to confirm what you feel about your match. It could be the start of something wonderful, or it might just clear up some doubts so you know exactly where you stand.

About the Author:

Dave Steffens is webmaster at www.datingonlinecanada.ca, who specialize in free dating advice and free dating online for our neighbors to the north.

Choosing the Best Online Dating Site For YOU

in Dating, Guest Posts, Online Dating

With such a wide range of online dating sites available these days, your first foray into the world of online dating can be a scary and intimidating one. Before you do anything, take a step back; don’t rush into setting up an online dating profile on the first website that comes up after googling ‘Online Dating Site’.

Being aware of the different types of sites can make all the difference to choosing the most suitable one for you and ultimately how much fun and success you have.

To help you make an informed decision we’ve summarized the various dating sites into the following categories:

Generic Dating Websites

As the name suggests, these are for anyone, any age, race, color, religion etc. They can however, be split into two distinct types, Pre-Picked and Pick Your Own.   Pre-picked – sites like Match Affinity and eHarmony; after completion of a lengthy profile the site uses a complex matching algorithm to find your suitable matches, and all you have to do is accept or reject. This isn’t the most interactive type of online dating, but if you’re busy and trust a computer to find a future partner then this could be for you.  Pick Your Own - much quicker to set up an account and create a profile as they don’t have complex matching algorithms requiring vast amounts of information. This also means that you can choose to contact people who aren’t typically “your type”, which can be a bit of fun.

Free Online Dating Websites

These are free, and usually have fewer features and support because of it, but a wider range of users. However, as it’s free you may feel the need to question the motivation of other users, so if you’re looking for a long term partner this maybe isn’t the best option. These sites can be useful for those who want to try out online dating, but aren’t sure if they want to put the money in yet. OKCupid and PlentyOfFish are some of the most popular free ones.

Geo-location App Based Online Dating

Well, yes, this type is more of a subclass. When an online dating website releases some sort of smartphone application, it usually has some sort of optional geo-location feature built-in. This uses your smartphone’s in-built location features to show you other singles located near you, which gives you the opportunity of an instant hook up. The homosexual iPhone app Grindr could be said to have popularized the concept for the ‘online dating’ market, and apps such as FourSquare and Facebook Check-In utilize a similar concept. So if you’re glued to your smartphone and want the excitement of instant dates (and you don’t live in the middle of nowhere) you should look for a site with a geo-location dating app.

Activity Based Online Dating

This is as opposed to being dating profile based. Users aren’t just matched because they are necessarily similar, or you like their dating profile. These sorts of sites aim to get people doing activities together (‘dates’), and then let relationships develop from there. Some are ‘groupon’ (coupons for multiple people) based such as ChirpMe, and others just work on quirky suggestions such as HowAboutWe.

Popular Niche Online Dating Sites

You might find you get more success on a niche dating site with a smaller but more targeted database of members. There’s a niche dating site for pretty much everything these days; mature dating, toy boy or cougar dating, sporty singles, alternative dating, vegetarian, and such.

Religion or Race-Centric Online Dating Sites

The name says it all really. The most common of these types seem to be Indian or Jewish dating. If you feel like you’d rather meet people in the same religion or race, then you really should check these out.

Adult/Casual/Affair Dating Websites

Naughty, behind closed doors dating. This sort of illicit behavior is not to be encouraged, but if the fancy takes you there are plenty or online dating websites for hooking up with people already married, engaged or dating and aren’t satisfied by their partners. These usually have a casual and sexy edge, not really aimed at building a meaningful relationship. However, fun if you’re into that sort of thing.

Weird Online Dating Websites

Well, weird makes them sound bad. ‘Quirky’ may be more apt. These are sites with a gimmick, or aimed at a niche that are trying to be unique and different. Naturally, try these sorts of sites if you like what they’re selling. It’s difficult to explain this type because most of them are pretty unique. Some match potential couples based on facial structure (Soul2Mate or FindYourFaceMate), some ask you to play online ‘Snog, Marry Avoid’ (Snog.com), and others offer a buy/sell type of situation for dates, which is allegedly borderline escorting (WhatsYourPrice).

Pretty much whatever sort of thing you’re looking for in an online dating website is available somewhere. Just make sure the site you choose is right for you, and don’t be afraid to move dating sites if you’re not sure the one you’re on is what you want. Don’t forget, online dating comparison websites exist too, and make use of them where you feel the need. Good luck!

Author bio: Paul Benbow, CEO of Smart Dating UK – a dating comparison site offering independent expert reviews of the best online dating sites, plus user reviews and a comprehensive list of all UK speed dating and singles events.

Cover Image by Mick Orlosky via Flickr

The Dating Game – The Poet

in Dating, Dating Tips, Online Dating

1x1.trans online dating dating tips dating The Dating Game The Poet

@justsewtired

Poetry can inspire, set the heart all aflutter and take us to great heights of self-realization. But when it comes to online dating sites, poetry isn’t the best way to go. Here’s one example of what NOT to send potential matches online. Today’s Dating Game post comes from one of my new Twitter friends - @justsewtired. Anya informed me she had some online dating poetry in her inbox and asked me if I’d be interested in reading it.

Of course I (we) am interested! Who doesn’t love a good poem? Especially from an online dating suitor – those are always first-class, without a doubt. If you’ve got a moment, be sure to visit Anya’s website as well – sewtired.wordpress.com where she blogs about life, love and occasionally sewing.

Below is a poem received by Anya in her online dating inbox. This was the first correspondence she received from this suitor. The poem is pasted exactly as-is from her Email.

Shall i endeavour to wax lyrical.
Go sub-atomic,avoiding the political.
To convey to you my thoughts on why things are the way they are.
stripping us the human down to the molecular.
Maybe i will become the next uri-gellar.
Indeed at a deep level life is inspirational.
It opens up new meanings and is personally educational.
In this knowledge i perceive my emancipation.
From state sponsered enslavement of my on-going cerebration.
Poetry over,i love knowing what we are and why we the human have become what we have become………nothing happens by accident in the arena of human endeavour,so when i see suffering i wanna know why.I know why,but its good to go really deep in order to find the solutions(no revolutions-but evolutions of human thought)Every action has a consequence.Every thought even on a chemical level has a consequence.Every value and belief has a consequence…..,LOVE it…….HA HA cake and tea yummy!!!!

So what do you think? Was this poem sure to woo or did it miss the mark? Have you ever received unsolicited poetry from an online dater? If so, what did you think of the poem?

Cover image by iainsimmons

The Dating Game – Ms. Gloom and Doom

in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Online Dating Profiles

Share your thoughts about this online dating profile in the comments section below! I’d love to hear what you think about profiles that come off negative right from the start. Would you be interested in this user? Is she just being honest or is there something else going on here?

Let’s face it – online dating profiles are nothing more than marketing propaganda for our love lives. While I don’t condone the common practice of Best Foot Forward Dating (BFFD), I don’t think most people want to date Eeyore, either. In other words, be honest with and about yourself, but try not to depress us with your profile, okay?

Enter – a Gloom & Doom profile example. I don’t know this person, personally, and like most everyone else the only things I do know about her I read about in her profile.

OkCupid Profile Review – Gloom & Doom

What I Think She Did Wrong

#1 – Runaway Bride – Before the 1st Date

While I appreciate her honesty, I think leading with the fact that she’s been a runaway bride not once but twice may be a bit of a turnoff for most men. Sure, it won’t turn everyone off and some would argue that the ‘one’ for her should accept her faults. The problem is she’s excluding a lot of potential matches at the door with that statement. Disclose sensitive details about your past gradually. There’s a fine line between being honest and venting on your profile.

#2 – No Pictures With Smiles

She’s got multiple pictures up but none of them show her smiling. Perhaps she doesn’t smile, I don’t know. She certainly doesn’t look happy alone. What makes a prospective date think she’d be any happier with them?

#3 – Talk of Sense of Humor but No Evidence?

She says right in her profile that she’s ‘hilarious’ and is good at making people laugh, but I see no evidence of her sense of humor. She could be Chris Rock funny but just because you say something doesn’t make it true (especially on the interwebs). If you want people to know you’re funny SHOW them!

What She Did Right

She didn’t do everything wrong in her profile. Here are a few things I think she did right.

#1 – Multiple Pictures

Even though her pictures don’t depict her smiling, she did post more than one and they appear to be relatively recent. Your pictures should accurately represent who you are NOW. Not who you were in high school or 10 years ago. I think anyone visiting her profile can get a pretty accurate idea of what she looks like based on her pictures. Like it or not, physical attraction plays a part in online dating as well!

#2 – She Talks About What She Wants

Some people make the classic online dating profile mistake of only talking about what they DON’T want. That’s easy to do because that’s how a lot of us learn – through our experiences. We meet someone we KNOW we’re not interested and we catalog that type of person. Too much, “I’m not looking for…” or “I’m not interested in…” can come off as overly negative. Tell people what you do want in a mate, not what you don’t want.

Submit Your Favorite Profiles or Emails!

If you have an online dating profile of your own you’d like showcased, please feel free to use my contact form and send me the link. If you come across an online dating profile that you just have to share with the world, pass it along and I’ll put it up!

The Dating Game – The Writer

in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Online Dating Profiles, The Dating Game

Hey kids. We have another submission sent in for online dating madness. This time it’s not a profile but it’s a first contact Email received by a lady (and she IS a lady) on an online dating website. After a 6 month hiatus or so, this was one of the first emails waiting for her in her inbox. I’m sure if you’ve done any online dating you’ve seen something similar. If you have any you’d like to share, please send along! These are the guilty pleasure of many, I assure you!

“The water rushes toward my feet. I stand waiting for the chill to take over my body. I squeeze the sand between my toes. I inhale deep to prepare. The water rolls over me. All I feel is joy. I look up at the sky. The sun is so strong and sky is so blue. The warmth of the sun and the cool flavor of the water is an amazing contrast. I inhale deep knowing that one day she will meet me here. This place. She will look into my eyes and we will know. We will stand in this place and try and stop time so we can have forever.”

Once she got over the “What. The. F*ck? Do women really buy this bulls*ht?” initial reaction, she came up with the only reasonable way to respond:

“The water rushes over my feet. It’s saltiness stings, because I have a hangnail on my big toe. I stand waiting for some seaweed to adhere to my toes. I spaz and squeal when it does. All I feel is grossed out. I look up at the sky. The sun burns my retinas. The warmth of the sun burns my florescent white skin, and the water tastes like a dirty toilet. I inhale deeply, choking on a fly, knowing that I need to go sit in the shade to cool off before I have a heat stroke. One day I will be stung by a jellyfish. This place. It will look deeply at my leg, and we will know. I will stand in this place and it will sting me. But our memory together will last forever.”

F-ing awesome. Just literally f-ing awesome.

Cover image by toastforbrekkie

The Dating Game – “Love Letter” to Single Moms

in Dating, Online Dating Profiles, The Dating Game

Below is a profile pointed out to me by another fellow dater. This profile was found on one of the main-stream dating sites not all that long ago. After reading it the first time, I thought it was a farce, but I’m not positive. Either way, I doubt that it had the intended effect with its readers. Single moms – what do you think? Do you respond to this guy?

A love letter to the single mothers.

Dear ladies,

I have had this profile longer than the illegitimate light of your life has been alive. You know what that means right? It means if you’d contacted me when I first made this profile we could have legitimized the fruit of your womb, we could have put down some roots for your little mop-topped carpetbagger. Now when we look each other passionately in the eyes we have to awkwardly glance to that tiny judgmental face saying with all it’s cuteness, “You’re not my dad!”

That’s not exactly a deal-breaker. I like kids. And I recognize that it takes at least two to tango, and I wasn’t exactly there for you when you were getting knocked up. That’s my fault entirely. I apologize. Water under the bridge right? You bet!

That all said, I’m not necessarily looking to be a father figure. I’m far more comfortable as a cool uncle figure for the time being, but hey, if the right lady came along with the right offspring, we could toss those dice… as a family.

Sincerely,
-anonymous

That all sounds pretty terrible as I read through it again, but it’s blunt. It’s loose. It’s fun. It makes light of your responsibilities as a parent, but really it recognizes that at my current age my target audience has lived life without me, and I get it. It’s not my place to be offended. I come from a long line of single mothers, I totally get it.

Cover Image by by Peter Hellberg

Online Dating Profile Review – Yours Truly on OKCupid.com

in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Online Dating Profiles

Online dating profiles have always intrigued me. I joined my first online dating site back in late 2005 – not long (enough) after I separated from my now ex-wife. Online dating profiles are far from an exact science to the point that there are those that actually make a living assisting people in crafting successful online dating profiles. What information do you include? What do you leave out? What pictures do you use? Should you mention your man-child action figure collection or that you own 2,000 pairs of shoes?

I’m launching a new series of posts that will highlight the good, bad and the ugly of online dating profiles. These are profiles that I believe fall on one end of the dating profile spectrum or the other – from great to crash and burn. If you have an online dating profile of your own you’d like showcased, please feel free to use my contact form and send me the link. If you come across an online dating profile that you just have to share with the world, pass it along and I’ll put it up!

Click here to visit my Contact Page.

Daniel is (well, was) on OKCupid.com

The first profile up on my showcase list is my own profile from OKCupid.com. OKC is actually one of my favorite online dating sites. It’s visually pleasing, has a number of features that many other online dating sites don’t have and – perhaps best of all – it’s free. I left my profile active on the site because I’ve actually met (by met, I mean via Email) a number of interesting people since I joined the site in 2008 and I still read others’ blogs and participate in quizzes when I have a minute or two to waste. In its heyday, my profile generated nearly two-dozen emails a week for me and up to 100 views per day (per OKC’s statistics). That’s quite a few for a man on an online dating site.

My OKC profile can be found at www.okcupid.com/profile/techilicious.

What I Did Right

I’ve received quite a bit of feedback on my profile from other singles on OKCupid, so this ‘what I did right’ portion will be what they’ve shared with me over the years and not necessarily my own thoughts.

# 1 – I made them laugh.

Hands down, the most common piece of feedback I received is that my profile was funny – I made them laugh. I think my profile successfully represents my personality, so I consider this feedback a dating profile success for me. I think the takeaway here is not that every profile has to be funny but that it should accurately represent you as a person.

#2 – I stood out from the crowd.

The longer you date online the more online dating profiles start to sound the same. They all seem to mention the same things – how great they are, how adventurous they are, how happy they are and how they like to have fun. Ugh. I regularly received the feedback that I stood out from other dating profiles with my profile on OKC and that made them take notice.

#3 – I have clear photos.

Photos on your online dating profile can make or break the whole thing. You can have an absolutely poetic profile that makes their toes tingle just reading it but if your profile photos suck, guess what? What did daters appreciate about my profile pictures? 1) You can clearly see me, 2) I’m smiling in one or more of them, 3) they’re all recent photos and 4) I’m wearing a shirt.

Dating Profile Showcase Quiz Questions

What was your first reaction after reading this profile?
Would you respond to this profile?
Would you respond to me if I contacted you on this dating site?
What feeling were you left with after reading this profile?
Do you think this profile would be successful for the dater? Why or why not?

Guest Editorial: Online Dating Customer Service

in Dating, Guest Posts, Online Dating, Rants & Raves

Guest blogger Nick Jackman provides us with an editorial piece on the state of online dating sites’ customer service. What has you experience with online dating sites and customer service been? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

1x1.trans rants raves online dating guest posts dating Guest Editorial: Online Dating Customer Service

Photo: by RW PhotoBug via Flickr

Who You Gonna Call?

Eh, no one, because there is no one available. Is the idea of customer support totally alien to these guys? Understandable perhaps, when there are many thousands, perhaps many milions of members, customer support is not really feasible, but good money deserves some service, right?

Dating online has its perils, many of these drawbacks it seems we need to draw a line under. With free sites, we will be the target of spam. There will always be perverts and creeps prowling and being lewd on any site, and we will always find that the person we like won’t like us back (customer support would probably laugh in our virtual faces for this complaint).

What Would Mulder and Scully Do?

What Would Mulder and Scully Do to combat the ghost in the machine that times out our Internet just after we have compiled a make or break online dating mail? Thereby losing the words, with no hope of ever rewriting what could have been a life changing message. Would Mulder see it as coincidence, something that was written in the stars, a benevolent force setting us on the right path?

I had a girlfriend who once arranged 25 coffee dates through an Internet site over a three day period, and didn’t come up with one match. Is that an issue with the dating site matchability, or is it an issue with the individual? How would Scully answer this question logically? Is there an algorythm out there in the sphere of online dating that can indeed make the right matches?

Yes I know there are some of the big players who have special patented personality tests, making matches that end in marriage etc. But is it the belief in the power of this matching that makes the match seem like a match? i.e. “This date isn’t going very well, he smells bad, he farts a lot, but the computer said he is the one for me, so I better invite him home to meet the folks.“ Better call in Deep Throat for advice on this one.

Online Dating Investment (or Lack Thereof)

It’s a little spooky too to think that the information we put out there can be accessible to just about anyone. That a colleague from work might see our profile, and give us a hard time about our inability to find a mate through regular channels. Pros and Cons I guess. Still that shouldn’t explain the drivel we find written on individuals’ profiles. Women are the main culprits on this one.

Taking the time out to actually browse some of the profiles, the amount of times you will see the lines; “I’m just trying this out to see, I’m not desperate or anything,“ “I don’t know what to write here, I guess I’m pretty normal,“ or other lines, or lack of them, that provide the avid match seeker with nothing they can use to uncover if the person is suited to them.

It is a pet hate of mine, and “yes you can“ effect a change in people.

Online Dating Solution – People

Now I am no Obama, I’m no Mulder, and I’m definitely no Agent Scully, but I have a solution for many of the problems displayed here. That is the bringing in of customer service to these sites, in particular the paid for sites. Real life human beings, individuals who can vet not only individuals in order to weed out the creeps who want anominity, but vet profile info for user quality too. People to offer support on tech issues, individuals are needed who are good at matching like with like, experts who can help us out through the endless difficulties that exist in the online dating world.

Online dating can be fun, it should be fun. It should be safe and can be. I would certainly sign away my credit card info where X marks the spot, if the dating sites out there could make it so.

Nicholas Jackman loves writing about dating tips for men and women and social media. Follow Nicholas on Twitter here.

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