Online Dating Profile Review – Yours Truly on OKCupid.com

in Dating Tips, Online Dating, Online Dating Profiles

Online dating profiles have always intrigued me. I joined my first online dating site back in late 2005 – not long (enough) after I separated from my now ex-wife. Online dating profiles are far from an exact science to the point that there are those that actually make a living assisting people in crafting successful online dating profiles. What information do you include? What do you leave out? What pictures do you use? Should you mention your man-child action figure collection or that you own 2,000 pairs of shoes?

I’m launching a new series of posts that will highlight the good, bad and the ugly of online dating profiles. These are profiles that I believe fall on one end of the dating profile spectrum or the other – from great to crash and burn. If you have an online dating profile of your own you’d like showcased, please feel free to use my contact form and send me the link. If you come across an online dating profile that you just have to share with the world, pass it along and I’ll put it up!

Click here to visit my Contact Page.

Daniel is (well, was) on OKCupid.com

The first profile up on my showcase list is my own profile from OKCupid.com. OKC is actually one of my favorite online dating sites. It’s visually pleasing, has a number of features that many other online dating sites don’t have and – perhaps best of all – it’s free. I left my profile active on the site because I’ve actually met (by met, I mean via Email) a number of interesting people since I joined the site in 2008 and I still read others’ blogs and participate in quizzes when I have a minute or two to waste. In its heyday, my profile generated nearly two-dozen emails a week for me and up to 100 views per day (per OKC’s statistics). That’s quite a few for a man on an online dating site.

My OKC profile can be found at www.okcupid.com/profile/techilicious.

What I Did Right

I’ve received quite a bit of feedback on my profile from other singles on OKCupid, so this ‘what I did right’ portion will be what they’ve shared with me over the years and not necessarily my own thoughts.

# 1 – I made them laugh.

Hands down, the most common piece of feedback I received is that my profile was funny – I made them laugh. I think my profile successfully represents my personality, so I consider this feedback a dating profile success for me. I think the takeaway here is not that every profile has to be funny but that it should accurately represent you as a person.

#2 – I stood out from the crowd.

The longer you date online the more online dating profiles start to sound the same. They all seem to mention the same things – how great they are, how adventurous they are, how happy they are and how they like to have fun. Ugh. I regularly received the feedback that I stood out from other dating profiles with my profile on OKC and that made them take notice.

#3 – I have clear photos.

Photos on your online dating profile can make or break the whole thing. You can have an absolutely poetic profile that makes their toes tingle just reading it but if your profile photos suck, guess what? What did daters appreciate about my profile pictures? 1) You can clearly see me, 2) I’m smiling in one or more of them, 3) they’re all recent photos and 4) I’m wearing a shirt.

Dating Profile Showcase Quiz Questions

What was your first reaction after reading this profile?
Would you respond to this profile?
Would you respond to me if I contacted you on this dating site?
What feeling were you left with after reading this profile?
Do you think this profile would be successful for the dater? Why or why not?

Middle Aged Men Can Still Attract the Ladies on Dating Sites

in Dating, Dating Tips, Love, Online Dating

The following is a guest post from dating site author Tiersa Buckley. Tiersa is a writer for www.Christiandating.org where they provide advice, tips and reviews on the top 25 Christian Dating Sites. She enjoys writing articles that provide the reader with an interesting take on relationships and online dating.

Dating Tip – Confidence is Key

If you’re a middle aged man looking to score with the ladies, the first rule in attracting your dream girl is to be confident in your body language. Pay attention to your stance, walk and gaze. Using a sexually charged smile that is inclusive of some hot eye contact can go a long way. Generally speaking, a sulking man who appears shy and nervous is not sexually attractive to women. Give her a little wink, smile or friendly confident wave and you’re off to the races with a good head start.

Online Dating Profile Tips

You’ll be a super charged race car just waiting to impress her with your under the hood personality and fine tuned charm. The same is true even if you’re trying to charm her with your online dating profile. If you’re going to start dating online, make sure to select the right dating sites for you and then turn your profile into the perfect masterpiece to get her curiosity peaked. Wrap your big personality into a little package and top it off with great adjectives and confident content. Your profile can speak volumes about you and will get you past hello.

Let it all flow naturally as if it is second nature and avoid hesitation. Hesitation will make you appear like your trying to hard. Another good skill to practice is the art of conversation. Women are big on communication and love to talk about interesting things. Asking what her name is and what her interests are might be the way to get started. Men don’t need pickup lines to get an attractive lady to talk to them. If you’re trying to acquire your first date, confidence itself can be a strong aphrodisiac.

Dating Tip – Plant the Seeds of Interest

You can garner a woman’s attention by planting seeds of interest such as travel topics, music or movies. Play it cool and coy. Give her a little attention and then let her think about what you have said. If she is interested she will seek you out again later. To be there one minute and then gone the next creates an air of mystery and leaves her wanting more. Spewing an easy going compliment and then walking away can help you overcome shyness and just may just score you the best looking woman in a room or dating forum.

Dating Tip – Be True to Yourself

At this stage in your life, ask yourself an important question before asking any lady out on a date. How can I make this fun for both of us? In other words, be true to yourself because without that you’ll make yourself unhappy. Only trying to please her might land you in a situation that you don’t want to be in. You also might be perceived as needy and a real pushover. Keep your eye on the prize and don’t lose focus of the finish line. You can be a magnificent female magnet and attract your perfect mate! Being middle aged doesn’t mean your life is half over; it can be just the beginning.

What are some of your dating and online dating tips? What has worked for you? What hasn’t worked?

9 Frugal Dating Tips for Cost-Conscious Lovebirds

in Date Ideas, Dating, Dating Tips

Summer is the season for romance as singles and couples seek magical moments amid the sunny and hot weather. However, creating a magical date can be a nerve-wrecking experience, depending on the dating situation.

Thinking about what to wear, wondering if he/she will like you or stressing over what you will talk about is enough to make someone go crazy. With so much to think about, the last thing you need to worry about is your wallet.

Lucky for cost-conscious lovebirds, there are plenty of ways to spark a romantic connection without blowing your budget. Here are nine ways to enjoy a memorable yet inexpensive Summer date:

1. Time-Sharing Babysitting

Finding a competent and dependable babysitter is often an expensive nightmare. It’s almost enough to make a parent want to stay home. When you think about it, however, many others face the same situation. Why not swap services with neighbors, co-workers, family or friends for a free night or afternoon out? Otherwise, consider sharing one babysitter among a coupe of families and splitting the cost. Consider searching SitterCity.com for vetted babysitters in your area who will match your needs and budget.

2. Avoid Alcohol

Even if you find a cut-rate meal (early bird special, anyone?), a couple drinks can greatly add to the bill. You might want to hit a restaurant that doesn’t serve booze or make it an afternoon date. Otherwise, plan to drink and dine at a restaurant or bar that offers happy hour prices which is usually in the early evening. You can enjoy most drinks and food at very reasonable prices.

3. Date With Gift Cards

Buy a gift card at a discount from sites such as CardAvenue.com. They will save you anywhere from 5 percent to 50 percent on restaurants and other entertainment activities.

4. Plan a Freebie

Dating doesn’t always have to mean dinner and a movie. Some activities — like hiking, biking or visiting farmers’ markets — don’t cost a dime and tend to reveal more about your partner than a standard date.

5. DIY Date Night

Create your own dinner with a picnic in a local park. For a romantic touch, pack portable speakers with a pre-mixed playlist on your iPod as well as a bottle of wine and a few chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert. Not only is this DIY date an inexpensive alternative to a night on the town, but you’ll score extra brownie points for taking the time to plan this special event.

6. Get Smart Advice from Smartphones

Use your mobile phone to find local deals and date ideas. The Date Night iPhone app for example will help you find unique, interesting and affordable events that are sure to impress. The app randomly selects a “thing to do” for your next evening on the town, some of which won’t bust your budget.

7. Dial Into Daily Deals

Groupon, Living Social and other group-buying coupon companies offer some great deals — up to 50-percent off — on such entertainment experiences as wine tastings, boat tours, museums and comedy clubs. If you’re worried about appearing “cheap,” redeem the offer when your date is in the restroom.

8. Go Cultural

Many libraries and coffee shops offer free poetry readings and musical entertainment. Look for art gallery tours or free museum days to improve your cultural IQ while impressing your date.

9. Create a Thrifty Movie Night

Instead of dishing out $20 for two movie tickets plus cost of popcorn, candy and soda, plan a romantic movie night at home. Pick-up a free DVD from your local library or a new release for just a dollar from Redbox. Then dim the lights and serve some freshly popped popcorn or your date’s favorite candy for a theater-like experience.

Consumer Savings Expert, Andrea Woroch has been featured as a media expert source on NBC’s Today Show, FOX & Friends, MSNBC, ABC News NOW and many more. For more savings tips follow @AndreaWoroch.

The Dating Game Guest Post – Despicable Me

in Dating, Dating Tips, Guest Posts, Online Dating, The Dating Game

SimplyAimeeB + Son

The following is the second guest post in the Dating Game series from single mom dater SimplyAimeeB (@SimplyAimeeB on the Twitter thing). She also gets crafty on her blog, Simply Aimée. I think most of us have been there before – turning someone down is easier said than done. This is one story of flattery perpetuating a date that never should have been.

Despicable Me

Then there’s a gentleman I like to call Gru. He receives that nickname because he himself told me that he thinks he looks like the main character from Despicable Me. I didn’t notice until he mentioned it, and it’s not really an association I would say helps a man attract a woman.

My son J had a birthday party to go to. Assuming there was absolutely no one there that I would

1x1.trans the dating game online dating guest posts dating tips dating The Dating Game Guest Post Despicable Me

Despicable Me © Universal

have to look nice for, I didn’t look nice. Hair pulled back, ratty t-shirt and jeans, I looked pathetic. I guess I didn’t look as bad as I thought.

I felt Gru looking at me throughout the party. I tried to ignore it, but my suspicions were proven right. After some very brief group talk, I began gathering J up to head home. I walk outside, and he’s following right behind me. I assume he’s leaving too. I was worried he was going to try and talk to me, so I was hustling into the car. As I sat in the drivers seat, about to shut my door, he walks over and says “Aimee, I’m Gru. Would you like to go out sometime?”

I cannot tell you the last time I was asked out, IN PERSON. I honestly think it was in junior high. Despite the fact that I wasn’t really interested in him, or anyone for that matter, I said sure, and gave him my number.

I was flattered. I was asked out in person. No dating site, no Twitter, no Facebook, in person. But 2 hours after we got home, he called.

It was waaaay too soon to call me, so I didn’t answer. I didn’t return his call either. He called the next night, and I answered. We had a decent hour or so conversation. Did we have anything in common? Nope. Where there some red flags? Yep. But I went on the date anyway, because I thought he deserved a shot, and rewarded for asking a girl out the old fashioned way.

We meet at a local bookstore to carpool for the date (I didn’t really want him to come to my house). His jeep was a mess, inside and out. He pointed out the flowers on the floor of his jeep that he had bought for me. Half alive carnations (yes, some of them were literally dead), from a really crappy grocery store. So far, not so good.

On our date he talked about how he didn’t like sports. My whole job involves sports. He then talked about how he doesn’t like really being around people. My job and personality thrives on working around people. Then he told me about how he was dyslexic. No problem with that, we all have our own stuff to deal with. But then I think he realized he shouldn’t have told me that, and joked about how he’d be able to read the dinner menu without my assistance. Um, ok… good to know dude.

After the movie he asked if I would do it again. Still not having the guts to say no, I said I would “think about it”. Luckily for me, he caught my drift, and hasn’t called since.

The Dating Game Guest Post – Mister Insecure

in Dating, Dating Tips, Guest Posts, Online Dating, The Dating Game

SimplyAimeeB + Son

The following is a guest post single mom dater SimplyAimeeB (@SimplyAimeeB on the Twitter thing). She also gets crafty on her blog, Simply Aimée. She decided she was brave enough – and her dates were interesting/scary/crazy enough that she’d like to share them as her contribution to the Dating Game series. She submitted three completely crazy stories. If I hadn’t been a dater myself, I’d question their authenticity, but they’re legit. If you’re single you can just tell. Enjoy the first of three in the series.

Mister Insecure

My first blind date was with someone from yahoo personals. We hit it off on the phone, and the lone miniature photo that he had up made him appear pretty cute, if you squinted enough. So we planned a fantastic, a “Friday art in the city” kinda deal, and agreed to meet at a local restaurant.

A quick rule of online dating: multiple photos are a must. The fewer the photos, the more likely your date will look completely different.

My date looked absolutely nothing like his photo. But that was ok, I had the night kid free, I was going to have me

1x1.trans the dating game online dating guest posts dating tips dating The Dating Game Guest Post Mister Insecure

Photo: by adewale_oshineye via Flickr

some fun. We sat down to dinner, and I’m attempting to make some conversation. My date isn’t looking at me in the eyes at all. I’m left wondering if he doesn’t find me attractive or something, but I stay relaxed and keep up my conversational attempts. Then, he finally lets it out: “You are really pretty. You’re really, really pretty. You probably don’t find me attractive do you? You’ll probably never talk to me again after this date.”

I’m not exaggerating. He said that, verbatim, and continued to say it throughout the course of the date. The more he said it, the more he was turning his own words into a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I thought WOMEN were insecure! Needless to say, he didn’t get a second date. He called, a lot, over the course of the past several years even. As time has gone by, the calls had become more and more infrequent, and now I only get the once a year Facebook email.

What do you think of this dating experience? Have you ever had a date like this before? Were you as understanding as Aimster was? What would you have done the same or different?

Breaking the Ice With Women

in Dating, Dating Tips, Guest Posts

The following is a guest post from Richard Liso who writes over at www.luvblogger.com. In his own words, Richard isn’t a self-proclaimed “Pick Up Artist” – he just decided to be successful with women. In his personal blog about attraction and success with women, he writes about his experience and methods used to approach women. To read more from this author, see the author bio at the end of this article.

I hear all the time men asking me questions like – I go to the gym 2-3 times a week, and I see many attractive girls. But can I meet them? What are the words to say when approaching?

Women are mostly unaware of this, but for a man, approaching a woman involves lots of stresses, considerations, fears, tactics, etc. In fact, something that is supposed to be natural and easy, eventually becomes a rather complicated action. To personally, It’s very frustrating to be in a night club, and see people who live in the same city, pay the same taxes, and yet unable to begin a simple chat with each other. Men try to drink alcohol in order to feel easier approaching women, and still, even with the alcohol, they don’t really know what to say and how to begin an interaction. In this post I will discuss various types of conversation openers (“Pick Up Lines”) and their purposes. Conversation openers are the first and most important step towards “Breaking The Ice” and having a comfortable.

The Purpose of Openers

The purpose of conversation openers is, first of all, to begin a conversation with a person that we don’t know. In addition, the opener needs to make it comfortable for you and the other person to talk. The last purpose of an opener is to convey your qualities and personality. Because we are dealing with opening conversation with women, the opener needs to begin conveying your attractive male qualities.

It’s important to emphasize that a conversation opener, a pick-up line, is still just a line. No conversation and no relationship is going to be based on that one line. Also, nobody is gonna die because of a bad pick up line. Men tend to give excess value and importance to the first line they use. Not knowing the “right line” to use can paralyze us and prevent us from approaching.

“Low Risk” Openers

“Excuse me, what time is it?”, “Do you know where is toilet?”, “How do I get to the mall?”
This kind of openers is very “low risk”. You don’t show any interest, and it might be just an “innocent” question. However, these are also openers that are difficult to continue. You do not convey any strength, confidence or honesty. you just ask an informative question. This kind of opener is recommended if you have a strong fear of approaching women. It’s easier to start with such openers in order to get used to approaching women.

Breaking the Ice: leaning-in

Opinion Openers

This kind of an opener is designed to attract almost every girl into a conversation. The trick here is to open conversation by asking a question about topics that women like. For example, “Tell me… Do you think it’s OK to date with your ex-girlfriend’s best friend?” (Relationships topic), or “Do you think that it’s ok for men to wear pink shirts?” You can create lots of different opinion openers. It’s an easy opener that breaks the ice and begins an interesting conversation.

A good tip for such openers is to use a question that shows you as an attractive man. For example, if you ask a question in which your female friend(s) is involved, It will be a great way to hint that you have other women in your life. A conversation that begins with an opinion opener will not last long. It will give around a minute or two to move the conversation to other topics, preferably more personal and romantic.

Situational Openers

This is a great way to open conversations, as it doesn’t sound “Canned”, as if you use it on every girl.
Situational openers are based on just saying something that is based on the situation. It can be the situation you are in, or the girl is in, or it can be something that is happening around you. What’s important here is that it sounds completely spontaneous. In fact, it is spontaneous. When using this type of opener, you don’t think about “what to say”.

Here are some examples:

“Hi… You are wearing a pink dress.”
“You look like 2 girls who met in an online dating site”
“Wow, why are you sitting in the corner?”
“Why did you cut your nails so sharp?”

Although situational openers are spontaneous, it’s recommended to refer to something else than physical looks. So don’t free your mind completely. Commenting on a girl’s breasts is not a good opener. Try using what is happening around you, what you or she are wearing, Her movements, what she is doing, etc.

Using situational openers creates an interaction that you have no clue about its script. It can lead you anywhere. It also requires enough confidence to approach women with have a pre-planned opener – you have to improvise it within moments.
From my personal experience, this situational openers result the most fascinating and interesting conversations.

Direct and Sincere Openers

This is the opener men are so afraid of. Being direct and sincere means that you will not have anything “unique” to say. There is no line to remember. It also leaves you most vulnerable to rejection. However, for so many men – this is the only opener possible.

Breaking the Ice - Just a Simple Hi

Everything else feels like lying.

“Hi.”
“Hi, you seem a sweet girl. My name is Richard.”
“I saw you from the corner, and I thought you looked like an interesting girl.”
“You look very sexy.”

The last example involves a very direct and sincere communication between a man and a woman. It’s great to use in night clubs.
Like in the case of using a situational opener, using a direct opener doesn’t involve too much thinking.

Not Approaching Is the Worst Option

Approaching women seems to be a rather stressful action. Men tend to look for the right lines and things to say. Men who don’t have much experience approaching, will prefer to use low risk openers. Using an opinion opener is also less risky: You know exactly how you will begin and what will happen during the conversation. As you improve and gain confidence and experience, you will find that situational openers and direct openers are the most successful types to open. In both openers, you don’t need to memorize any text. You just approach and say whatever comes to your mind. You will sound sincere, spontaneous and confident.
But Remember: Not approaching is the worst option. Not approaching means that your chances of meeting and dating the girl are exactly 0%. No matter how bad you might perform an approach and how lame your opener will be, it will definitely be better than not approaching.

What do you think about Richard’s advice? To my female readers – would these tips help or hurt a man’s chance at getting your number and going on a date with you. Guys – have you ever used any of these techniques? What was your experience?

More about the Author: Richard Liso is a fan of personal development and improvement. He also has his personal blog about dating and attracting women. Richard has a record of 6 years of improving his skills with women. During these 6 years he approached thousands of women in clubs, bars and any where women can be found. He blogs about his experiences having had over 100 dates with different women.

The Top Five Ways to Get Your Online Dating Profile Noticed

in Dating, Dating Tips, Online Dating, Technology

The following is a guest post from Laura Cunningham – an attorney-turned-matchmaker based out of Seattle. Laura runs the online dating site Meet Your Match Online. Read more about Laura and her site in the author bio below.

According to an article from MSN addressing the cost of love, a recent survey from Its Just Lunch indicates that the majority of single men will spend more than $100/month on dates and nearly a third will spend more than $150/month. (Women will spend less than men, but may still be spending around $50/month.) Adding the cost of dates to the cost of online dating services can run more than $1,500/year. Although singles are investing so much time and money, many aren’t getting anything in return but frustration. At Meet Your Match Online, we specialize in helping our clients get noticed by the right people, and offer these top five ways to get your online dating profile noticed to help singles make sure they are getting some return on their investment!

1. Your Profile Picture Must Be Fantastic.

Nearly 100% of the clients we have surveyed agree that the profile picture is the most important feature to get you noticed and to get responses. A few quick tips for this photo: it should be a close up of your face (and shoulders), which should be facing the camera; you should be the only one in the photo; you should be fully clothed; do NOT take the picture yourself – use the opportunity to show you have at least one friend who can take it for you; get feedback on your photo; people should describe you as “relaxed and happy” in the photo (if they don’t, keep taking pictures until you do).

2. Choose The Right Collateral Photos.

As we said, with online dating, photos are king. Even the best written profile will be hard-pressed to overcome a terrible set of photos. Avoid alcohol in your collateral pictures, and keep your clothes on. However, collateral photos are a fine place to include group pictures (although you should indicate which person you are if you can). Make sure to include at least one full body picture (again, clothed!) in this grouping. 5-10 photos is a good number to shoot, but just focus on the variety that should showcase you doing things you enjoy (hiking, playing with your dog, Frisbee at the park, etc.)

3. Don’t Blow It With Your Screen Name or Headline.

Don’t put in all the hard work only to blow it with your headline. When I was dating online I received an email from a user with the screen name “Pimp Olympics” – that was a non-starter. Try to choose a relatively neutral topic like your favorite food, outdoor activity, etc. Avoid topics that are overtly sexual or suggestive.

4. Show, Don’t Tell.

Did you remember this rule from grade school? Your audience wants to get to know you through examples, not a laundry list of adjectives. Instead of telling the world you’re smart and funny, show them by relating the tale of how you are the winningest player in Jeopardy history and how you opened for Jimmy Falon.

5. Give Him/Her A Call To Action.

The best online daters realize that success in online dating is about marketing yourself. Use the marketing tip of leaving your readers with a call to action. Combining this with Tip #4, you can end your free-write of your profile by describing a date you would love to take her on, or telling him about best hole-in-the-wall donut shop you’d love to try. You can also ask a question after telling about yourself (e.g. Where is the best Indian food you’ve ever eaten in Seattle?) which can lead both to great discussion and segue into a date!

Laura Cunningham & Fiancé

Bio: Laura Cunningham, Founder of Seattle based matchmaking and online dating company Meet Your Match Online helps its clients find love through online dating. Cunningham met her match online and will be married to him this October. When the economic downturn hit Seattle in 2008, Cunningham, a successful business, real estate, and estate planning attorney, quickly felt its effects, and began the transition from drafting deeds of trust and promissory notes to helping singles find the loves of their lives. Cunningham attributes her success in helping singles find true love to her business’s foundation in solid psychological principles (she has her BA in psychology). You can like Meet Your Match Online on their Facebook page or follow them on Twitter (@YourMatchOnline), YouTube, or their blog, which has addressed recent topics like honesty in creating online dating profiles, turning a first date into a second date, whether luck is a factor in finding love, and when to meet someone in person that you met online.

Single Dad Dating – Some Advice on Dating a Single Dad

in Dating, Dating Rules, Dating Tips, Divorce, Featured, Love, Parenting

Do you have any tips or advice on dating a single dad or single parent? Check out my pieces of advice below and be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments!

I get asked this question a lot – both by single moms and by those that don’t have children of their own. At first, I really couldn’t come up with an answer because why would dating a single dad be any different than dating anyone else? Of course, the longer I’ve been a single dad the more I realize there definitely are differences to dating single parents – some very big ones that may not be obvious to everyone. I decided, after some thought on the subject, to write this article on tips for dating single dads (and single moms).

Dad Dating Tip #1 – Patience

Don’t move too fast in the relationship when dating a single dad. Single parents have more than just themselves to consider when in a relationship. As a single without children you can sometimes throw caution to the wind. Sell all stuff, join the peace corps and move to India. Why not? Put your stuff in storage, have granny watch your cat and backback Europe for two months. Let’s go! However, as a single dad or single mom it’s best to take things a bit more slowly and deliberately. After all, it’s not just you that gets hurt if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Dad Dating Tip #2 – Flexibility

This tip applies to both sides of the single dad dating equation. As someone dating a single dad, you shouldn’t push too hard to meet your guy’s child(ren). Meeting the children is a big step for any single parent, so be sure not to take it lightly. When you are ready, approach the subject with an open frame of mind and express to your single dad that you’re ready when ever he’s ready. Let him know that you’ve been thinking about meeting the most important people in his life but that you’re also willing to do it on their terms.

As a dating dad, you should exercise patience when introducing your children to the person you’re dating. Dating isn’t a race and children don’t understand people coming and going from their lives. Introducing them to people that are only around for a brief period of time in their (and your) lives will only create instability and instability is universally unhealthy for children of all ages.

Dad Dating Tip #3 – Love Kids!

Do you love kids? Ok, do you at least really like them? Do their smiles make you smile and their giggles make you laugh? Let’s be honest, if you don’t like children then you probably shouldn’t be dating a single dad. I can see some definite up-sides to dating a single parent. Most single parents rate high in areas like maturity, stability and experience (take that as what you will) and those qualities carry over into their love lives as well. Dating single parents just isn’t for everyone, so if you’re really not interested in playing a large role in a child’s life, just be honest with yourself and your single dad and bow out (gracefully) to someone that will appreciate all they have to offer.

Dad Dating Tip #4 – Have a Sense of Humor

Kids say the darndest things – and so can parents! Having a sense of humor when dating a single parent is a very handy quality to have. Single parents may be accustomed to interacting with their children and can require an adjustment period when transitioning to speaking with (real, actual) adults from time to time. In other words, cut us a little slack if a single mom or single dad excuses him or herself to “go potty” or asks you if your dinner is “yummy”.

Dating Rules of Engagement – For Adults

in Dating, Dating Rules, Dating Tips, Life, Love

Part IV in the series of dating rules for responsible adults brings us to the rules that should apply to everyone. These rules are so basic and fundamental that everyone should attempt to follow them to the best of their ability at all times. Obviously, rules of any kind come from someone’s set of morals and values.

I’m a Midwesterner so my set of morals and values may differ from yours, but I really believe there are some core morals and values that are universal to all Americans and even to some extent, to everyone on earth.

Remember, these rules are not for teenagers, or even those in college or in their early to mid twenties. No set of dating rules can apply to all adults (ahem, you know what I’m talking about, right???), so let’s have a reminder about who I’m targeting with my example set of rules:

Generally speaking, you are…

an adult approaching or over the age of 30,
relatively intelligent and educated,
seeking a long-term relationship as the goal,
and, most importantly, mentally stable.

If you read the first three parts in the series, then you know why I try to be so specific about my target audience. If you didn’t, let’s review. These ‘dating rules for adults’ won’t apply to those seeking only to hook up (whether they are honest about it or not), spouses cheating on their husbands, ‘professional’ daters that have been in the game for years, casual daters not really seeking a partner (although, I could argue they should apply) and other socially deviant daters that gravitate to sites like AdultFriendFinder.com and AshleyMadison.com.

To put it gently, ‘fringe’ daters have their own set of rules entirely and I highly recommend you learn those rules (if they indeed exist) before you delve into those dating worlds.

And now, the rules for everyone.

Dating Rules For Adults – Number 1: Don’t Fake It

I know what you’re thinking – and that’s not exactly what I meant. Although, that would technically be covered by this rule as well.

I’m not talking about faking it during sex; I’m talking about faking being interested in someone just to have something to do on a Friday night. It’s selfish of you and doesn’t do anything positive for your dating life in the long run either. It simply prolongs you actually finding someone you are interested in.

In my personal observation, the majority of relationships start out in the beginning just about as good as they’re going to get. That doesn’t mean that a great relationship won’t stay great or your relationship with your ‘one’ won’t mature over time and become even more fulfilling. It just means they call the beginning of the relationship the ‘honeymoon phase’ for a reason.

We have our rose-colored glasses on in the beginning of the relationship. We’re bound to overlook flaws, annoyances and some red flags. The issue becomes when we start to recognize these problems but, for one reason or another, choose to ignore them.

We string our date along hoping either they’ll change or “it won’t bother me that much”.

Core issues don’t correct themselves and they usually only become more intolerable over time. Bottom line: when you start to notice what you consider to be deal-breakers in a relationship, confront the problem, attempt to resolve the problem (if you so desire) and if the problem isn’t resolved in a timely manner, exit gracefully. Don’t close your eyes, bury your head in the sand and hope for the best.

That’s not how relationships work.

Dating Rules For Adults - Number 2: Keepin’ it Real

I’m a grown man – I’m 35 years old now and I know (pretty much) exactly what I want in a partner and what I have to offer that partner.

The problem?

As we mature (in age, anyway), the dating field narrows exponentially. For example, let’s pretend the below characteristics are my deal breaker selection criteria for my potential mate. My mate MUST be…

Between 30 and 40 years old
Single
Never Married
No Children
Bachelor’s Degree
Job

My selection criteria aren’t all that unreasonable. Or are they? Let’s crunch some census data and do the match math.

Of the people in the US in my specified age bracket, 51% are women – that leaves me with 21,000,000 matches.
Of those 21,000,000 total women, 15,263,000 are married, divorced or separated. That leaves me with 5,737,000 matches.
Of those 5,737,000 women, only 4,446,000 have never been married.
Of those 4,446,000 never married women, approximately 37% will have children. That leaves me with 2,800,980 matches. Nationwide.
Of those 2,800,980 matches, 33% will have a bachelor’s degree or better. Not a bad ratio! You go, girls! That leaves me with 924,323 matches. Nationwide.
Of those 924,323 single, never married, no children, college-educated women, 655,000 have no income. That either means they have no job because someone else is supporting them or they are independently wealthy. I’ll give 55,000 of them the benefit of the doubt and only subtract 600,000. That leaves me with 324,323 matches. Nationwide.

What if I had other selection criteria?

What if I only wanted to date women under 5’7” with brown hair, pink toenails, blue eyes and within a 25 mile radius?

We’re talking about…oh, say 2 matches or so! My point here is that our selection criteria should be realistic. There simply isn’t the quantity of singles out there to support our habit of being as picky as we have become in our ‘maturity’.

Sure, when we were in our teens and twenties the sea of potential matches was never-ending. We’re more mature now and our tastes have matured along with us. Make your list and check it twice, but don’t let too many of your deal-breakers be for arbitrary reasons or you’ll subtract yourself right out of finding a match!

Dating Rules For Adults - Number 3: The Golden Dating Rule

This rule is likely one that makes the most sense, the one that will make people stand up and say, “Yeah, we SHOULD do that!” and garner all kinds of initial support only to have most people not practice it.

The Dating Golden Rule: Do unto other daters as you’d have them do unto you.

In other words, treat daters with the same level of respect that you expect to be given. The problem with this one is that ‘respect’ is a relative and very subjective term. For instance, some people consider a polite, “No thank you” to a potential suitor to be respectful while others consider it to be rude and just a little too forward. Some like to be told straight up what the situation is while others prefer to be let down easy so as not to bruise their egos.

Last time I checked, no one walks around with what their preference is pinned to their lapel, so your guess is often as good as mine which one they prefer.

Image: DanBrady via Flickr.

Dating Rules of Engagement – For Women

in Dating, Dating Rules, Dating Tips, Life, Love

Three Simple Dating Rules for Women

Those seeking only to hook up (whether they are honest about it or not) wouldn’t subscribe to these rules or guidelines, rather.

Listen.

I know you don’t know me from Adam. I will say, however, that I know a thing or two about dating, though. I dated (online and offline) for over five years. That translated to WAY more first dates than I’d care to remember. But you know what? I learned a lot along the way and I hope to pass some of what I learned on to you.

Let’s face it, few people really enjoy dating. It’s really more of a means to and end, right? Or at least it should be. Few of us enjoy it but many choose to participate despite the stories of angst and drama told (and experienced) by many. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a list of Dating Rules that universally applies to everyone because everyone’s idea of what to do and what not to do can differ greatly.

Sad faces, I know. The good news? I m going to take a stab at my list anyway. Yay!

I would argue there is a certain set of principles that most adults abide to in their daily life that should be applied to dating as well. Am I right? What, ultimately, is the downfall of the concept of dating rules? There’s no practical way to enforce a set of dating rules even if we could get everyone to commit to them. So, instead let’s make a list of …ahem… dating guidelines instead. How very United Nations of us, right?

This list makes a few key assumptions. Generally speaking, you are:

a lady approximately age 30 or over,
relatively intelligent and educated,
seeking a long-term relationship as the goal,
and, most importantly, mentally stable.

What I m trying to say is that these rules for dating only apply to a certain sub-set of daters. Those seeking only to hook up (whether they are honest about it or not) wouldn’t subscribe to these rules or guidelines, rather. Spouses cheating on their husbands and wives wouldn’t follow these rules either. These rules are for normal daters. “Fringe” daters have their own set of rules entirely, or none at all in most cases.

After careful consideration and much debate, I’ve split up the rules into four distinct categories: For Women (this article), For Men, For Parents and For Everyone. Let’s start with the ladies.

For the Ladies

Rules are usually dreamt up to prevent something bad from happening. In the case of women, these rules come out of the stories and my own personal experiences in dating. If you haven t noticed already, history tends to repeat itself, especially in dating. Have you ever felt like you keep dating the same person over and over despite them being new dates? That s history repeating itself and has as much to do about how you choose men as it does the men themselves. Customizing rules for yourself is very simple and tends to come only with experience. Notice your own patterns and adapt your rules to the negative behaviors and experiences you witness. Dating rules are not a one-size-fits-all sort of thing, so please take the below list in stride.

Rule Number 1: Putting Out

If given the opportunity, men can and will be pigs. If you’ve been dating a while you know this to be fact. If you’re new to dating you’ll come to learn this if you give men the opportunity. Ladies, it has to be said. Don’t put out on the first date. In fact, don’t put out on the second, third or fourth dates either – unless your dates are only once a month with copious amounts of deep conversations in between. Wait a minute that sounds like a long distance relationship. There is a whole other set of rules for that. All too many women make the relationship-ending mistake of giving it up way too soon. I know, I can t believe I said that either, but it s true. I understand that you feel that attraction and the perceived connection you feel may be very strong. But never should you confuse lust for love, a nice evening for chemistry or sex for commitment. Not when men are involved anyway. Men can have sex without love, commitment or any real chemistry to speak of. That doesn t mean that all sex for men is devoid of feeling or meaning, just remember that it can be.

Rule Number 2: Those Three Words*

Dating, and especially online dating, can be quite the whirlwind experience. You meet someone new and have a great time on your first date. You plan date number two and have an amazing time once again. You start to feel that you may have finally come to the end of your dating road. It can be easy to get caught up in the dating moment and experience feelings and emotions that you may not have felt in a while. What a rush! How many times have the first few dates started one way only to be abruptly ended by one pivotal dating moment? It happened quite often in my own personal experience and I m sure many would agree. Caution to the wise dater – there is no substitute for the passage of time when getting to know someone. Allow yourself time to truly get to know your match before you say those three words . Once you say them, you can t ever take them back nor can you backtrack the progression of your own feelings and emotions. Hold out for something real over jumping into something with only a short-term payout.

* Controlling one’s emotions is easier said than done. I get that. We can t help who we love or when we start to feel those feelings. I m not asking anyone to control the emotions. That s likely impossible. What I am requesting in this rule is that some caution be exercised in communicating those emotions, acting on those emotions and moving forward more quickly than necessary with the relationship because of those emotions. Pace yourself. If love is what you feel it won t go away after a few weeks or months. Love is patient and you can’t rush a good thing.

Rule Number 3: Making the First Move

This is a tough rule to sell to a lot of women, especially those that may subscribe to the traditional roles that men and women play. The man initiates contact, the woman plays hard-to-get and they both live happily ever after. Well, it doesn t always work quite that way. So why not take some initiative every now and then and make the first move? What s the worst that could happen? You could get turned down, of course. Men take that risk every single day. I see no problem in sharing that responsibility to some extent. However, tread lightly when making the first move. Many men still hold the traditional values that a man should initiate so a woman initiating contact or, more importantly, doing the pursuit may appear to be overly aggressive or even desperate. There is a fine line. Say Hi to that handsome gentleman you ve had your eye on but be sure to let him do his fair share of the chasing as well!

My three rules may seem overly simplistic at first glance but if you can stay true to them during your dating experiences they will serve you well. Be sure to check out the next part in the series, Dating Rules for Gentlemen.

Online Dating Profile – Yourself, Only Digital

in Dating, Dating Tips, Online Dating

Online Dating Profile Tips

Online dating many of us absolutely loathe them, and for good reason. In order to join most online dating sites, you re required to fill out a profile about yourself. Paragraph upon never ending paragraph of detail about you. What s your favorite music? What types of television shows do you watch? What do you like to eat? How tall are you? Are you athletic? What are you doing with your life? Where do you see yourself in five years? Do you like kids? How many? (ugh!) It s all about YOU YOU YOU and, quite frankly it can feel a bit self-centered when you re filling it out! So how do you navigate the potholes of the online dating superhighway and come out the other end unscathed (and hopefully with a love interest)? Below is one theory.

But First, One Theory of Relativity

There are many things in this world that are relative. Perhaps more if you live in a state like Arkansas. All joking aside, the relativities of dating perplexes me, as I’m sure it does for many others. I constantly find myself struggling with categorizing who I am given standard dating labels. Am I fit, average, a few extra pounds? Well, relative to what – or whom? Relative to an Olympic sprinter I’m probably rather portly but relative to the largest man on earth (who, by the way, weighed upwards of 800+ pounds at one point and just got married) I’m probably rather thin.

Much distress is caused by this relativity in my personal experience. The person defining the attributes (tall/short, fat/thin, intelligent/not, etc) is never the one interpreting them. Many times my idea of what is tall or short, fat or thin, rich or poor is starkly different than what your idea of those descriptors may be. So what is the solution for this dilemma? I think people, quite simply, need to lighten up. If you don’t think I’m ‘tall’ or you think I should have put that I’m ‘stocky’ instead of average – live with it. Similarly, if I notice perceived discrepancies on your profile, I will examine the whole profile for what it is (and who you are). This is all within reason, of course. If you re overweight and you put on your profile that you re athletic then you re not likely going to get away with it. Please take note that I make the absolute distinction between these misunderstandings and outright lying. They’re clearly not the same (at all), which brings me to my next topic.

Dating Tip #1 – Never Misrepresent!

If it quacks like a duck it must be a duck!

Misrepresentation, otherwise known as LYING, is quite easy to do in the field of online dating. Well, let me say that it s easy to do up until a certain point usually the point where the online world meets the real world. Online dating, like the rest of the Interwebs, is rather anonymous. You can be or become almost anyone you want online. In online dating the stakes are a bit different than the rest of the anonymous world wide web because there usually is the intention of meeting in person at some point. If you misrepresent who you are in your online dating profile it WILL come out sooner or later. Sure, there are aspects of your life and persona that may be open to interpretation. Subjective words like successful , charming , athletic , a catch and the like can take on entirely different meanings depending on the perspective. What we re talking about here is the black and white details about you. How tall are you? If you re 5 4 then you re 5 4 everywhere New York, Florida, California, the USA, China, Russia If you re married or separated then there isn t much grey area there, either. Don t lie about these details not even just a little bit. Starting a (potential) relationship out on a lie will doom the relationship before it even has a chance to get started. Sure, you may be able to hide it for a while, but if and when you do meet in person you ll be setting the wrong tone. You may as well shoot yourself in the foot than try to date online with a fraudulent dating profile. They make about the same sense in my mind.

On the flip side of that coin, as a dater, don t be afraid to question the sincerity of people that you meet online. Trust is earned, not a given and it s ok to make people earn your trust. Also keep in mind that others may be skeptical of you at first as well. Try to see it from their perspective you re effectively a stranger to them. They don t know anything more about you than what you ve told them. It may take them some time to get to know you (in person) for them to trust that you are who you say you are. This is completely normal and I caution you not to take offense or react too negatively when you encounter cautious online daters.

Trust in online dating is a tightrope walk. As a successful, healthy and socially aware online dater, you have to juggle an open mind with a good dose of skepticism. Lean too far to one side or the other and you ll find yourself in some trouble potentially serious trouble. Be safe, trust your instincts and open up to your dates when the time is right and you re sure to find success in the end.

Dating Tip #2 - Profile Do’s and Don’ts

I ve read hundreds of online dating profiles in my time and consider myself to be a bit of an expert in them. There are other experts out there as well people that actually make a living from writing online dating profiles and assisting online daters with marketing themselves to potential matches. Your online dating profile is your first impression to the online dating world. It can make or break your entire dating effort. It makes sense that some effort should be made toward writing a meaningful, accurate and, most importantly, INTERESTING online dating profile, within the confines of your reality, of course. Online dating profiles are a marketing tool where the product is you. But what should you put in your online dating profile and what should you leave out? Good question! Let s talk about a few aspects of online dating profiles.

Narration Over Lists

I like to think positive, so rather than a laundry list of what not to do, let s start with what aspects of yourself you should include in your online dating profile. As I mentioned before, be honest in your profile. Your profile should represent the real you the good and the bad (to an extent). Include your interests, hobbies, some details about your work, etc. Successful profiles are more than mere lists of favorites. For example, rather than saying, I enjoy the following activities: camping, hiking and being outdoors a far more effective profile writing technique would be to provide a short narrative that illustrates your love for the outdoors. Something like, Last year s trip to Yosemite National Park was amazing! I d really like to find someone that is interested in sharing marshmallow roasting and early-morning sunrises with me. Subtlety can go a long way in an online dating profile, as can examples that illustrate your point. I am A , B and C is far less interesting to read than a story about them. Bulleted lists typically don t score points with potential dates. Despite the feeling at times that online dating is like a job interview it s really not.

Positivity Over Negativity

No one likes a downer and this absolutely includes online dating. If your profile is full of negatives (don t likes, hates, don t care for s or sucks) then you re going to come off as a very negative person. That may be a very accurate reflection of your personality and, in the interest of being honest, you should let some of that shine (ahem) through. It s important to try to be positive but still remain absolutely accurate. Try not to be mister or miss Mary Sunshine in your profile if you re actually mister or miss Glum in real life. It will set the tone for the first date and I can almost guarantee there won t be a second date when your date discovers the real you.

Mystery Over Excruciating Detail

One of the most common mistakes I see in online dating profiles is the classic over-share. People put too much information in their profile thereby ruining their chances of getting even that first initial date. Over-sharing of information doesn t even have to be bad information to be an over-share. Composing your online dating profile should not make you feel as though you re rambling on about yourself.. The moment you feel that you re rambling is the moment you should stop writing. Be short(er), clear(er) and more concise in your description of yourself. It s perfectly ok, and in fact encouraged, to leave some mystery to your readers! Give them some tidbits about yourself but don t give them a full meal. It will leave them wanting more and besides, there has to be something to talk about on the first date!

Collaboration Over Flying Solo

Everything is better with a friend, and that includes dating (and writing profiles). All good authors know that outside eyes on their work is an absolutely essential step in producing a quality work. Writing online dating profiles is no different. Ask a friend (single or otherwise) that you trust to review your profile. Are you sharing the most appropriate tidbits about yourself? Are you underplaying or overplaying any aspects of yourself? An outside review can even assist with profile basics like spelling, grammar and sentence structure. All of these aspects matter when writing a profile. You re not perfect and your profile doesn t have to be perfect either. Your profile should reflect who you are and if you re a young(ish), single, educated professional then your profile should read like you re one or you won t attract the type of match you re ultimately looking for.

Genuine Over Robotic

As you settle into your online dating experience you ll begin to pick up on the nuances involved in online dating communication. I d like to think that most daters are genuine and seek a true connection with someone. They read profiles, they search diligently for matches they think will truly be compatible and they approach the whole process with an open mind and heart. On the other hand are the robotic daters. A robotic male dater will assume quantity over quality. He may look at your pictures and skip over the rest of your profile and just blindly Email with a clever quip like “Hey ma, u r hot” or a pre-written Email he s sent to a thousand other daters. My apologies in advance; it’s just the way the world works. Just do your best to make sure you re not that guy (or girl). Take the time to read the profile(s) of people you re genuinely interested in. If and when you decide to initiate contact with them, say something that lets them know you actually took the time to read their profile. A little bit of initial investment like this can score a lot of points and may get you a reply you might not otherwise have gotten!

Dating Tip #3 - Profile Pictures Over Everything Else

A picture is worth a thousand words. No truer words can be spoken of an online dating profile. Online dating is unequivocally three things: 1) relatively anonymous and therefore 2) based on trust and 3) rather visual. Online dating sites themselves advertise the difference in success and contact rates when a person posts a profile picture versus when no picture is posted and the difference is typically multiplication factors better when pictures are posted.

Men, especially, are very visual creatures. In general, we prefer pretty pictures rather than being bogged down with a bunch of words. Likewise, speaking honestly and frankly from the male perspective – men are far less likely to read online dating profiles if we don t find the pictures at least somewhat appealing. The pictures you post on your profile likely carry as much or more weight in determining the interest level of your potential matches in you than does the sum of all of the other dating site parts combined. That s a tough pill to swallow but a necessary one. Think about it this way: if a profile you re reading speaks to their fitness prowess, their budding career, their growing success and their love of life, activity and positive energy but the photos paint a much different picture, which would you be more inclined to believe?

I know I said I m a positive person but I feel a what not to list is more appropriate when it comes to pictures.

Disclaimer: The below list assumes you re seeking a match on a normal online dating site and not one of the fringe sites that seek something other than a monogamous relationship.

Online Dating Picture Don’ts

There are no hard and fast ‘rules’ when it comes to profile pictures but below are some basic rules of thumb that have served me well. Please feel free to adapt them to your situation and needs as appropriate.

Don’t Post Nudes, Semi-Nudes or Lingerie Pictures

If you re on a legitimate dating site, don’t post these pictures. Your profile may say one thing but these pictures will say trashy and easy.

Don’t Cut Out the Ex

Ok, so you were having a fantastic hair day or the light hits your skin in just a way that makes you glow. But your ex is in the picture. Don’t attempt to remove your ex from the picture. Find another picture without the ex (or have one taken).

Don’t Post Pictures of Inanimate Objects

Seriously, no one cares about your (dog, cat, car, house, boat, houseboat, boat house, etc.). Pictures of your stuff are quite unnecessary.

Don’t Post Pictures of Your Child(ren)

If you are in the photo with your child that s one thing, but don t post pictures of your children solo. It s creepy and makes us feel like pedophiles.

Don’t Post Pictures of Your Pets

Just like children, we don t care to see solo pictures of your critters.

Don’t Post Your Wedding Pictures

You look fantastic in white but don t post wedding photos. Yes, I thought this was obvious too, but apparently it s not.

Don’t Post Pictures of You With a Drink

One picture of you out on the town may be ok but not more than one. You ll simply look like an alcoholic.

Don’t Post Pictures You Took Yourself

Self-shot love can grab a good angle but if more than one of your photos is of the self-shot variety you ll appear to not have any friends. If you don t have any friends, buy a tripod. ALWAYS avoid the shirtless bathroom mirror self-shot.

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What I Did Right

# 1 – I made them laugh.

#2 – I stood out from the crowd.

#3 – I have clear photos.

Dating Profile Showcase Quiz Questions

Dating Tip – Confidence is Key

Online Dating Profile Tips

Dating Tip – Plant the Seeds of Interest

Dating Tip – Be True to Yourself

What are some of your dating and online dating tips? What has worked for you? What hasn’t worked?

1. Time-Sharing Babysitting

2. Avoid Alcohol

3. Date With Gift Cards

4. Plan a Freebie

5. DIY Date Night

6. Get Smart Advice from Smartphones

7. Dial Into Daily Deals

8. Go Cultural

9. Create a Thrifty Movie Night

Despicable Me

Mister Insecure

The Purpose of Openers

“Low Risk” Openers

Situational Openers

Direct and Sincere Openers

Not Approaching Is the Worst Option

What do you think about Richard’s advice? To my female readers – would these tips help or hurt a man’s chance at getting your number and going on a date with you. Guys – have you ever used any of these techniques? What was your experience?

1. Your Profile Picture Must Be Fantastic.

2. Choose The Right Collateral Photos.

3. Don’t Blow It With Your Screen Name or Headline.

4. Show, Don’t Tell.

5. Give Him/Her A Call To Action.

Dad Dating Tip #1 – Patience

Dad Dating Tip #2 – Flexibility

Dad Dating Tip #3 – Love Kids!

Dad Dating Tip #4 – Have a Sense of Humor

Dating Rules For Adults – Number 1: Don’t Fake It

Dating Rules For Adults - Number 2: Keepin’ it Real

Dating Rules For Adults - Number 3: The Golden Dating Rule

Three Simple Dating Rules for Women

For the Ladies

Rule Number 1: Putting Out

Rule Number 2: Those Three Words*

Rule Number 3: Making the First Move

Online Dating Profile Tips

But First, One Theory of Relativity

Dating Tip #1 – Never Misrepresent!

Dating Tip #2 - Profile Do’s and Don’ts

Narration Over Lists

Positivity Over Negativity

Mystery Over Excruciating Detail

Collaboration Over Flying Solo

Genuine Over Robotic

Dating Tip #3 - Profile Pictures Over Everything Else

Online Dating Picture Don’ts

Don’t Post Nudes, Semi-Nudes or Lingerie Pictures

Don’t Cut Out the Ex

Don’t Post Pictures of Inanimate Objects

Don’t Post Pictures of Your Child(ren)

Don’t Post Pictures of Your Pets

Don’t Post Your Wedding Pictures

Don’t Post Pictures of You With a Drink

Don’t Post Pictures You Took Yourself

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