Dating and women are often two very confusing subjects in a guy’s life. Many would argue that if you’re a ‘nice guy,’ they are even more confusing. After all, we’ve all heard the adage “nice guys finish last.” However, many women and many ‘nice guys’ will tell you that the adage doesn’t necessarily hold true.
Today’s dating world is vastly different than that of previous times. How can a ‘nice guy’ survive in the dating world?
Here are some tips for survival in the jungle of dating and women.
Tip 1: Be yourself.
No matter what you think a woman wants, you’re always better off being yourself. You don’t have to lavish gifts on your date to make a good first impression and if you try to pretend you’re someone else, or feign expertise in an area she’s interested in, the best case scenario is that you’re going to be revealed as a fraud.
The worst thing that can happen is that you don’t get discovered and you have to continue faking throughout the affiliation. What kind of relationship is that?
Some men will pretend to be a bad boy because the woman they have a crush on is into rougher guys. I can’t think of anything more exhausting than having to put on a show every time you’re with someone.
If the woman you’re dating doesn’t like the real you, then she’s not the woman for you. The whole point of dating is to find someone who’s perfect for you, not to just hold onto any woman you date.
Tip 2: Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.
Although the conventional dating advice is to steer clear of politics, religion, and money, many people have dropped that advice.
Regardless of whether you go there, you definitely want to express your true opinions on things. This stands true for small things as well as the big three no-no topics. For example, don’t lie and say you like a type of food you actually hate. If she’s a vegetarian and you’re a carnivore, you can’t pretend to be vegan. You can’t even pretend that you’ve been thinking about becoming vegan. Why? It’s not going to work! And it will end up being a source of resentment for you.
Some people like to talk about big topics—like politics and religion—early on because they feel like you might as well know where the two of you stand from the get-go. No sense in getting emotionally wrapped up in someone now that you’re later going to wonder how you ever got together.
And just because you’re polar opposites doesn’t mean the whole thing is doomed. If she’s a vegan and you love steak, but she is fine with other people eating meat, then things might be fine. You never know.
Stifling your actual opinion about things is going to get you nowhere. She now has no idea who you really are, and you’re going to spend the night saying, ‘yeah!’ a lot. Not a promising start.
Tip 3: Show some chivalry!
Lots of men are afraid to show chivalry for women. Men have reported having women yell at them and accuse them of patronizing them. But a lot of women do appreciate some chivalry.
The big thing is to think about chivalry as respect. It doesn’t mean that you’re rescuing her or that she’s a damsel in distress. It means you’re showing some respect to the other person. It is kindness.
It also gives you a chance to see if she’s worth it.
That’s right: chivalry can and should run both ways. You can tell that a woman is worth it because she will return your gestures.
When you open the car door for her, she can unlock your door so it’s ready for you to open when you come around to the other side.
Sometimes women show chivalry in ways that we’ve traditionally just attributed to ‘how women act.’ But really, it’s the same thing as us being chivalrous. For example, does she bring you soup over when you’re sick with a cold? That’s chivalry too.
Maybe you send her flowers and she pops in with the DVD she knows you’ve been dying to get. Or she’s already Fandangoed the tickets to a film that just came out. That’s chivalry too.
Yes, men can show chivalry by offering our coat when she’s cold, holding the door open, and walking on the outside of the sidewalk, closer to the traffic. But hopefully she’ll respond with some chivalry of her own.
Tip 4: Cut back on alcohol as disaster prevention.
Alcohol and dating can be a disaster. Dating and women are confusing enough without adding impaired decision-making into the mix. In fact, there are studies showing that alcohol consumption negatively impacts the quality of the relationship.
Lots of reasons.
When you’re drinking, you’re louder than you normally are. You say things you would normally think, but not say. That’s not typically a good thing with someone you don’t know well.
Everyone seems prettier, funnier, sexier, smarter… just better when you’re drinking. That’s not a good thing either. You may end up dating someone much longer than you would’ve without alcohol.
The physical intimacy usually moves faster when there’s alcohol involved. At first, you may think, Hey, that’s good, right?
Sex makes everything more complicated. You could end up with all sorts of lingering consequences: unintended pregnancy, or stalker-level devotion from someone you may later realize you don’t really like much. Or both!
Cutting back on alcohol eliminates one more thing possibly going wrong on the date. Wouldn’t you rather be in control of what you say and do? Lots of people drink to “loosen up,” but nine times out of ten, we end up too loose.
You can win the dating and women game as a ‘nice guy.’ It can be done. Just follow these tips and you’re off to a good start.
Image credit: sonyaseattle via Flickr.