JenB and I were having a debate. The subject? Ex-sex & remaining friends after a breakup. Below are our differing perspectives on this hot topic. Which do you agree with more?
He Said
I am of the mind that men are nearly incapable of being “just friends” after a breakup. If they want to be friends there must be a reason. Granted, the reason isn’t always devious – maybe you’re great at baking cupcakes (ahem) and they’d like to keep you around for that reason. I made the assertion
that most men, if provided the opportunity, would sleep with an ex without much hesitation, even if the relationship sex wasn’t the best. Most women are presented with the opportunity for ex sex at some point. You break up with your ex and yet, they still linger. You get occasional text (or ‘sext’) messages from them out of the blue or maybe a drunk dial every now and with a random “hey, what’s up?” voice mail. The messages miraculously stop when they start dating someone new (well, usually). Do you think they’re still hanging around after the break up because they want to know what’s going on in your life or because of something else?
She Said
JenB seemed to give men more credit than I did. She made the assertion that sometimes, especially after a long-term relationship, the feelings may have been present but it just wasn’t meant to be as a 
long-term relationship. She herself has been in exclusively long-term relationships (>1 yr) and is friends with nearly all of her exes. She said that very few of her ex’s have ever tried anything after their break up – that they were genuinely interested in being friends even after their relationship ended. She denied the idea that, if presented with opportunity, most or all of them would gladly ‘hit it’ again, even if they haven’t shown signs to that effect.
Certainly, there can be exceptions to any rule – men can be friends just to be friends and women sometimes just want to get it on. It happens. But by and large, I don’t think men are friendly with ex’s simply because they enjoy their company or out of the goodness of their hearts.
What do you think? How likely is it for either sex to remain ‘just friends’ after a break up?
There Are Currently 4 Comments on this Post
When you are trying to rebuild your life, you want to do the right things. You need to make the right choices for you and you family so that you are not putting anyone’s well being at risk. This will also include your ex. When you are still carrying on an intimate relationship with your ex partner, you will find that you may be setting either one of you up for a very big fall. This is not something that you should be doing at this stage of the game.
I would like to give my opinion in this matter. From a point of view of a woman, I think women still linger in the hope that the relationship can still be given a second chance. That is why they go for ex-sex relationship.
It depends on two things….
1. what were the boundaries in the relationship. If it was more of a physical relationship than emotional then the answer leans more towards the yes.
2. if it was an emotional relationship with feelings (deep or not) then I lean more towards now.
I believe that the emotional level of the relationship is the kicker. The more feelings that were involved the less likely there will be an affinity for friendship after the relationship is over.
Congrats on you new found love. all the best.
Chopperpapa recently posted..Fire on the Mountain-when relationship tremors are ignored
Hmmm… Tough one.
I know that a lot of people have sex with their ex-wives or ex-husbands after a divorce. And it is likely even more prevelant after a break-up with someone you were just dating.
While I have had sex with someone that I had dated after a break-up, I have never gone back and had sex with an ex-wife. That would simply be too painful. For me anyway.
I think the thing about having sex with an ex is that while you may not be long-term compatible, there may have been some good short-term benefits that you enjoyed together. Sex being one of them. I can understand how you can really like someone and enjoy them physically, but not want to spend the rest of your life with them.
Jack