JenB and I were having a debate. The subject? Ex-sex & remaining friends after a breakup. Below are our differing perspectives on this hot topic. Which do you agree with more?
I am of the mind that men are nearly incapable of being “just friends” after a breakup. If they want to be friends there must be a reason. Granted, the reason isn’t always devious – maybe you’re great at baking cupcakes (ahem) and they’d like to keep you around for that reason. I made the assertion that most men, if provided the opportunity, would sleep with an ex without much hesitation, even if the relationship sex wasn’t the best. Most women are presented with the opportunity for ex sex at some point. You break up with your ex and yet, they still linger. You get occasional text (or ‘sext’) messages from them out of the blue or maybe a drunk dial every now and with a random “hey, what’s up?” voice mail. The messages miraculously stop when they start dating someone new (well, usually). Do you think they’re still hanging around after the break up because they want to know what’s going on in your life or because of something else?
JenB seemed to give men more credit than I did. She made the assertion that sometimes, especially after a long-term relationship, the feelings may have been present but it just wasn’t meant to be as a long-term relationship. She herself has been in exclusively long-term relationships (>1 yr) and is friends with nearly all of her exes. She said that very few of her ex’s have ever tried anything after their break up – that they were genuinely interested in being friends even after their relationship ended. She denied the idea that, if presented with opportunity, most or all of them would gladly ‘hit it’ again, even if they haven’t shown signs to that effect.
Certainly, there can be exceptions to any rule – men can be friends just to be friends and women sometimes just want to get it on. It happens. But by and large, I don’t think men are friendly with ex’s simply because they enjoy their company or out of the goodness of their hearts.